I thought of myself as a murderer
by AMYCULLENCRUSHED
Summary: What if Edward had a girlfriend before Bella? Amy decides to leave him, but not for the reason he thinks. What if she comes back and Edward has Bella? What has she done when she was gone? ExB yeah, I suck at summaries : Rated T just in case
1. Preface, or something D

Once again, I found myself pinned against a tree at one of our hunting trips.

I chuckled as I felt Edwards lips caressing mine. Of course, I gave in almost immediately, I couldn't resist. It was kind of unfair, actually.

His lips were impatient and his hands were fierce against my back.

_Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou_.

The thought was almost a soft voice, whispering in my ear.

I loved the fact that I could read his mind. My shield was completely down so he knew I heard him.

''Yes, well, I _do_ love you.'' He whispered in my ear.

His lips now started to move down my throat.

I moaned softly, and of course he heard it perfectly well.

''Now, we should go home, love.'' I managed to whisper; his lips were distracting me, ''We promised Esme to be home before Carlisle's visitors arrive.''

He rolled his eyes, but took my hand and pulled me in the direction of the pretty little house on the other side of town.

I sighed as I heard the thoughts of the girls, all my age, when they saw me and Edward walking down the street.

_Wow, isn't he handsome?_

_That girl is way to young for him. If only he'd talk to me._

Only one girl thought of us as an adorable couple.

If I could get her to tell the others that, I would've happily done so.

I inhaled the fresh air, ignoring the burn in my throat, and sighed.

Life was good in 1973.

Well, here it was.

A few miles away was a filthy factory, that ruined just about all the air nearby.

We'd just arrive at the old house, built in 1863, and Alice was already standing on the doorstep.

_They're already here! Hurry up._

Both me and Edward chuckled.

_To bad, we could've stayed longer. _I told him.

He looked at me questioningly.

_We were late anyway_.

His only response was a soft chuckle, and then he turned to meet our guests.

The two man who sad on the couch, talking to Carlisle, looked up as soon as the door closed with a load BANG.

_God, they're just as damn pretty as the rest._

The other man's eyes moved down to our hands.

_Also together. Weird town people._

Edwards thoughts became a little more violent.

I looked at the newcomers in the room, and saw all of their previous thoughts.

Yes, I am very, very gifted.

Edward grinned.

The man on the right, was on his feet to shake hands with Edward and me.

''How lovely to meet you both, the name is Jonathan.'' He muttered.

I knew his name; he'd used it on a peptalk to himself not so very long ago.

He other man stayed on the couch.

_Rude.._ I heard Alice complain,

_He's just shy_. I muttered through her mind. (Yes, I can place my thoughts in others)

_His name is Raymund,_ I continued grinning internally, _which means wise protector._

She laughed softly, no human could've heard.

I looked at little further in their thoughts.

Jonathan was married and had two sons.

Raymund, on the other hand, wasn't married.

The evening seemed to last forever, especially since we couldn't go anywhere, or do anything with two humans in our house.

Jasper challenged me into a game of chess, but I refused to play by the stupid, easy rules.

And, as many evening before, Edward and I ended up with a book.

As soon as the humans were gone, Jasper got his game of chess Cullen-style.

Edward was thinking of me. He always wondered about my past.

I have never told anyone about my time before the Cullen's took me in.

I made sure my shield was all up, so Edward couldn't read me, and I let the memories take me back to about 500 years ago.

My eyes closed with old pain and grief, thinking of my ''youth''.

Edward grabbed my arm. ''Are you alright?''

He sounded worried.

_I'm fine, love._

Edwards face was relieved, and Rosalie, who sat next to me, smiled and patted my hand real fast.

I sighed.

This would be just the same as all the other dumb, boring nights I had when Edward and I were not aloud to leave the house.

There were still a lot of people outside.

Out of boredom I started searching for random thoughts I've heard once.

(Yes, another one to add the list; If I've every heard your thought, I can read every thought you have, ever had and it doesn't matter where you are; I can hear you everywhere!)

I hesitated and pulled up my shield before going to thoughts in South-Africa.

I knew this wasn't randomness anymore; I looked for someone.

Surprisingly; the thoughts of the one I was looking for were gone.

I started searching in an area nearby.

The inner voice hit me.

No

No, no, no!

I completely froze and my breathing sped enormously fast.

Edwards grip on my arm tightened and Rosalie took both of my hands.

I wasn't able to respond.

That voice.

No, it couldn't be.

I haven't heard that in 500 years.

I've _looked_ for it for 500 years!

''No'' I whispered in shock.

Now I heard Edwards voice in my ear. ''Amélie! Amélie, please, say something.''

Emmett was sitting in front of me now. ''Amy, c'mon, what's going on?''

''I'm going insane.'' I managed to whisper.

''What?'' Carlisle came closer.

''Impossible..'' my voice was soft, sad.

The voice of Carter Williams had filled my head with nothing but screams of disbelief.

''Carter..'' I whispered.

Edward nearly lost it; he pulled me on his lap, my face facing his, and put both hands on my cheeks.

''Amy,'' He said, clearly, like I've just lost my mind.. Oh, right, I had. ''Who is Carter?''

I looked down, ashamed of my actions.

''I'm sorry,'' I whispered. ''It's just very impossible that I can hear him..''

''Why?'' Esme spoke the thought that was in all of their heads.

My eyes became wider. I watched my hands in horror. All of the things I've done with these hands.

''Because I killed him 500 years ago.''

Silence.

''That's okay, love.'' Edwards voice was unsure. His thoughts were focussed on Carlisle's, who's face had turned into stone. ''Almost all of us had killed a human.''

''This isn't the same,'' I snapped, impatient.

''Why not?'' His voice was hurt.

Oh, I was about to hurt him so much worse.

''We were in love.''

I couldn't look at him; I looked down.. I looked down to avoid my Edwards beautiful eyes.

I looked down to avoid my Edwards beautiful eyes, because they looked like I'd just cut them open and threw them to the ground.

I couldn't look at him because he was enormously hurt.


	2. My past

**Yeah, very short chapter here.**

**Btw, I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. SHOCKING, I KNOW.**

**But err, review! I've got a few next chapters ready.**

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''Amy?'' Carlisle asked hesitant, ''Maybe, err, you should tell us about your past now?''

I tried to swallow. It didn't work. Of course.

''Amélie Richon, early 1400's,'' I began to whisper, trying to sound casually and failing enormously. ''Bitten at the age of 14.'' My voice went dead at the memory, ''After the pain, I found myself surrounded by wild men. Beautiful, red-eyed men. They told me what I've become, and I didn't believe a word of it. I never said that out load, but they seemed to hear it anyway. Just my luck; I was changed by a tribe of mind readers.''

Edwards eyes burned into mine, and I couldn't help but to look down again.

''They said they found some sort of potential in me. They had… ways… to develop gifts. That was how I got the shield. It was horrible.''

I looked up to Edwards face. ''You once asked me how I can block my thoughts when I want to.'' He looked curious, ''Well, err, I sort of just don't think.''

''What?'' he asked, his thoughts confused.

''I have limited space in my mind for thoughts, because I have a split mind.''

Now they were all confused. Carlisle tried to look like the understood, but his thoughts gave him away.

''They literally _split_ my mind.'' My voice was a whisper again,''They have some sort of ancient methods. That pain. That pain was so horrible. I would've taken the change to immortality one hundred times and I'd be happy with it, because it was _nothing_ compared to this pain. After a period of about two weeks, the pain disappears.. So now I can shield my mind in which I think, by, sort of, turning _on_ the empty one. After three years, I found out I can do things with my empty mind, that the others couldn't. I could place my thoughts in theirs. I could completely empty their minds, I could make them see things that weren't there. I could do anything with their minds, including reading them.'' I whispered.

''The tribe saw my gifts, saw the possibility that I could be a danger towards the group, and they decided to kill me. And of course, what could I do, a three year old vampire, against a tribe of at least 25 others?'' I smiled a bit. Rosalie described the smile as an evil smirk in her mind. ''I ended up slaughtering just about every tribe, of that kind, I could find. I ran of to an little town nearby. There I found out that I was in South-Africa. I lived there for a while, enjoying life. Enjoying youth and beauty. The hunt was a bit of a problem though. I could read my victims. I could read their entire life! I could see the love for mates, children, parents. I could feel the fear as if it were my own. But, what could I do? I decided to ignore it, for a while.

I noticed my gifts were getting stronger. A _lot_ stronger. I could control myself. I could literally control all of my needs. I had full control over by brain. I could shut off my senses, which I still do a lot. I can ignore the smell, by shutting of my nose, so to speak. With that ability, I could talk to humans, persuade myself into need to overcome the thirst. That was a helpful training, and it still shows. The way I can be around humans is almost… _human._

That's how I met Carter. Carter Williams, a not so wealthy, sweet boy. I could talk to him, relate to him. He had something different than all the other boys. He never told me about his past, and I never told him about me. It was kind of unfair towards him, because I relived his entire life through his eyes and thoughts, but I couldn't tell him about me, right?

But of course, he was way to clever to not notice anything, and he went to find the answer himself. Which he did. He knew I was a vampire, he knew I could kill him within milliseconds, he knew I could _drink his blood!_ But still, he refused to stay away from me. In a desperate attempt to keep me there he just never told me. Eventually, he did brought it up. Very subtle, might I say. He began about the age-thingy. Since then we were just always together. Everywhere I went, he went. He loved running. He couldn't resist a trip through the woods. He just climbed on my back, really.'' I smiled at the thought, the lost memory. Edward looked like he would cry if he could. I took his hand before I started talking again. I did that for two reasons. First; he could use it, second; I needed the support.

''At one of our trips in the woods, it went just terribly wrong.''


	3. Leaving

**Yeah, since I can't upload for a while, I decided to just add two chapters.**

**( and ofcourse because the next one is my fave! )**

**Well, err, it's confusing, I know.**

**I don't own Twilight. Steph does, and she's awesome.**

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''There was this rarely big coven, 5 full mature vampires.'' I said, more pale than usual. ''One of the five, Garrett, he had this strange gift.'' I felt like I could choke any minute now, ''If he told you to do something, you just had to. He took away your free will.'' Garrett's face filled my head. Garrett next to Carter. It shocked me. It hurt. I hadn't thought about this in so long, it just took me by surprise. Edward could hear all my commentary at my story. He, too, seemed to look paler than our skin would let us.

I'd paused, without noticing.

"What happened next?'' Carlisle asked, almost to curious to hide his shame of making me tell.

''He told me to kill him.'' I whispered. Well, whispering would be very load compared to what I did. The pain in my voice shocked me… and Edward.

''He told me to kill him, but I wasn't aloud to bite him. I could've ended this so soon and painless. He had a knife.'' I closed my eyes as I saw the entire scene in my thoughts, like I was there again. If I could've cries, I would. ''He made me cut his throat.'' I was literally pinching my eyes nail shut right now. ''Slowly…'' I finished.

The image filled my head, and Edward flinched at the smell of the blood.

The overwhelming pain that came from me made Jasper leave the room. Alice probably already heard most of what I was going to saw and ran after him.

''They'll be back,'' Edward whispered in my ear. I just nodded.

''The men ran away after that. I looked at my Carter, at what I've done to him. I couldn't live with myself anymore. You have no idea how long I've been trying to kill myself.''

Edwards eyes were already closed at _my_ Carter.

Carlisle looked at me in disbelief.

''Garrett told me not to read Carters mind. Ever. I always wondered what he meant. I mean, he's dead. But, I could hear him, just now. I was looking for Garrett and I found _him!_''

''Didn't you found Garrett?'' Carlisle interrupted.

''No, he's nowhere near the places he usually is.'' I muttered.

''Wait, so, he is gone, and the one he ordered not be there for you, is there?'' He looked at me like is missed something.

''Garrett's dead…'' I whispered, shocked.

''But, Carter isn't.'' Edward said wryly.

''I thought he was dead. I left him there, Garrett must have bit him. I wasn't there for three days.''

_No, no no no NO!_

_This could not be happening. I'm dreaming. I'm DEAD! Yes, that must be it._

The thoughts scared Edward, and he took my hand and lifted my head.

_Now what?_

''I don't know..'' I whispered.

My eyes became wide with my idea.

I couldn't live with myself, until I had Carters forgiveness!

''I'm leaving.'' I whispered. ''And you're not coming with me.'' I said to my Edward, pain jumping off my face.

Raising my shield and avoiding looks from my family, I ran upstairs to pack.

I stood still in front of my door. Why would I pack, I could leave this minute, I didn't even need anything.

Maybe it was just a reason to talk to Edward for a minute, because I knew he would come after me if I didn't stop him. I wanted to so badly to come with me, but this was something I had to do alone.

I turned around, and of course, there was my Edward.

''Don't..'' He whispered.

I shook my head, to confused to think of an actual answer, and ran past him, down to the living room.

Edward was standing in front of me already, not letting me walk trough the door.

''Don't make this any harder, please.'' I hissed.

Pain crossed his face. I blocked all his thoughts out, deciding, from now on, I will only read him is he asks me to.

He took a step towards me, hesitating. I didn't response in any way, and he took a few more.

I was now pushed against the wall, his hands at both sides of my head, holding me there.

His lips pushed against my forehead, and slowly moved down to my ear.

''Don't.'' He pleaded.

But it was to late.

How could he not understand?

I have to be able to live with myself, and leaving seems like the only way to do so. I'd be back in about six months anyway.

If I weren't interrupted, of course.

''I have to.'' I noticed that my voice was also filled with pain.

He didn't move.

He didn't spoke, he didn't even breath.

I pushed a quick kiss op his lips, and before I could pull away, his hands were already on the back of my head and pulling me closer.

My hands automatically started to search for any spots to hold on to, to pull him closer, but my head was distracted.

I pulled away, and ran out of the door as fast as I could, leaving Edward behind me, for a while.

He didn't move; his eyes were still closed, his lips still puckered, his beautiful face still facing the wall.

I stopped in the living room, kissing Esme and Carlisle on the cheek, and shooting apologetic glances at the others before turning around and leaving the Cullens behind me.

Cullen, a name I shall still carry with pride, no matter what.

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	4. Little fun

**ok, just to clear things up; Amy left, and she went to South-Africe, and she's been there for a while now (Yeahs, it's the year 2009)**

**And, this is just her and Carter, teasing an old woman.**

**IT'S ALSO MY FAVORITE CHAPTER.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**I thought I might needed to add that, even if there isn't much twilight about this chap.**

**Well, enjoy.**

I sat on the ground of an old graveyard, facing my parent's graves, and my own, empty one.

And old lady approached, silently, trying not to interrupt. The glanced at me and decided to do so anyway. I understood; you would've want to know what was up with a –by appearance- 14 year old girl, sitting in front of three graves. Not to mention the girl was exceptionally beautiful and pale, and the dates on the graves said the three died 568 years ago.

''Hello, love. Can you tell me who those people are?'' she asked, ashamed.

Well, her thoughts did show the was very curious by nature.

''Only the most passionate lovers in existence, and their beloved daughter.'' I muttered, in the mood for some teasing.

''Really,'' She looked perplexed, ''I must say that I've never heard of what story before. Can you tell me?'' She continued politely, trying not to show her curiosity.

''Monsieur et Madame Richon. You _really_ never heard of it?'' I said, a little louder now, fighting the grin that was about to cross my face.

''Well, no, I would have told you is that were the case, wouldn't I?''

''Ok, ok, no need to get all grumpy.'' I did grin now, ''Let me tell you the story of the child first. Amélie Vianne Richon was a very bright, beautiful, successful-''

My line was interrupted by Carter, chuckling and telling me _Ok, she gets the point_ in his mind.

''- girl.'' I finished, a little bitter. ''She fell in love with a handsome, reckless, foolish, kind of stupid-''

Again Carter cut me off with an angry; _Shut up! Wait, what's with the handsome part?_

''_- _youngman; Carter Williams. They were madly in love, always enjoying every part of their time together.''

The women looked at me with big, expectant eyes.

''Buuuuut…''I started casually, ''she killed him.''

Wow. I actually managed not to grin.

''She killer herself shortly after that. People from _this_ village sworn they'd heard her cry, long after she died.''

A scared look crossed her face. She was _dumb. _Funny, she didn't even know that she was surrounded by dead kids.

''Which brings us to the parents. Vianne and Christoph. Their love was one of a kind. Romeo and Juliet hated each other compared to these.''

Carters thoughts interrupted me, _again_, by saying that I spoke full of adoration of my parents.

_DOH. _I told him, and he jumped a bit. _They're my _parents_, mongrel._

He muttered an apology, and went back to listening to my story, keeping him comments

–technically spoken- for his own.

''They grew old together. The lost of their daughter was hard, but they had one another to keep themselves together. They died here, '' I said, nodding to the church, ''did you know that? The church burned to the ground once, 568 years ago. They were trapped inside. What 'n house of god, eh?'' I chuckled at my private joke. Hell, I didn't even have a soul to go to heaven anyway, why not make fun of it? Life's a joke, laugh 'bout it.

''Well, some say their spirits are still here, in this little town.'' I finished.

Even more fear crossed her face. Hmm, how can I take my advantage…?

I got a brilliant idea, and passed it on to Carter, to make sure he knew what to say and when to run away again.

''And that's how you see how little the dumb townsfolk know.'' I finished, trying my ''evil smirk'', as Rose had described it.

''What do you mean?'' She asked a little shaky.

Her inner voice told her this might me the right time to run away. Another brilliant idea crossed my mind. How about a little more fear?

I imitated her inner voice perfectly and started talking trough her mind; Maybe I _shouldn't_ run away, she'll probably kill me. God, I'm going to die! Help me, someone, please! I can't scream, it'll make her attack even quicker, I know it will!

She almost started hyperventilating now. Gosh, this was so much fun.

''I mean, that it isn't the parents that are still here,'' I said, with a raspy, dead voice, ''It's the children.''

Carter came up to me, faster than a human eye could see, and she almost screamed now.

''Nice to meet you, Nancy Johnson. My name is Amélie Vianne Richon.''

She scream was on its way! I could almost _see_ it crawling up her throat.

''Ma'am..'' Carter said, almost hungrily. Wow, he was good! ''you're going to die.'' He moaned.

YES, THERE IS MY SCREAM!

And, DAMN, it was loud!

Carter and I both ran off at the same time and were in the woods, laughing, before she had a change to turn around and run.

I hugged Carter. ''Nice work, bro.'' I whispered, glad to see things finally work out for us.

Sure, I missed Edward like hell, and I sort of haven't seen him in a lot of years. It was already the year 2009, but Carter finally forgave me, after all those years.

He knew were I was thinking off.

''You're gonna leave soon, aren't you?'' he thought.

''Yes, I've got Edward waiting to long.''

His face fell. Gosh, I hated seeing him unhappy.

''But,'' I said, to fast, tripping over my words, ''you can come with me! There's always place for a new member in the Cullen family, sir!'' I said, faking enthusiasm.

He smiled an breathtaking smile and hugged me.

''I'd love to.'' He whispered in my ear.


	5. Forks

**Again, a kinda short chap.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**I'm not Stephenie Meyer**

**Coz if I was**

**I would be totally awesome.**

**But**

**Enough about me**

**And my awesomeness.**

**Enjoy**

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I promised myself that I wouldn't read Edwards mind until he'd ask me, and I've kept to that promise.

I'm so curious to what he's been up to the past few years.

So, that's when I came back to the old town we used to live, no expectation of them still being there.

Of course, they weren't; we've been told they had moved to a little place in the state of Washington; Forks.

The journey was long, un-interesting and took a lot of talking to humans, which made Carter grumpy.

So when we –finally!- arrived at the rainy little town, I immediately saw why this was the town they've chosen to live; no sun!

I was stressed after the journey; not tired of course, just restless; I could use some peace.

But the moment I walked through the door, followed by Carter, and looked at my family, I knew I was _not_ going to get _any_ peace.

They are stared at me like I was a weird hallucination you have when you're on drugs, then at Carter like they would like to spit on him, then back to me with disbelief.

Then, thank god, they all got smiles on their faces, and ran over to hug me as tight as possible with, let me count; Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper.. six people in the hug?

Where's Edward?

I kissed all of them on the cheeks, introducing Carter, without paying any attention.

Then I just couldn't bare it;

''Where's Edward?'' I managed to choke, because Emmett had just decided to give me another bear hug.

Carlisle froze. _Oh, god, they were together, of course! How could I be so stupid. She's going to hate me._

''Carlisle,'' I said, anxious, ''what do you mean; they _were_ together?''

''Well, err.. He's at Bella's..''

I froze.

Completely.

No, no, no. I knew this could happen. I should've seen it coming.

But, I didn't left because I was in love with Carter. I thought he knew!

STUPID!

I should've come back way earlier.

Carlisle saw my expression change; _I need to call Edward! We need to protect Bella! I should go myself. We should all go!_

''Carlisle!'' I nearly screamed, ''I'm not going to kill this Bella person!''

He looked anxious. _Kill?_

''Kill, hurt, touch, whatever! She makes him happy, right?'' I was almost sobbing –tearless- and my voice broke. ''Then it's a good thing, it's a good thing…'' I stared to convince myself.

I fell to the ground. Oh, come on! Hellooo? Vampire here! I'm not supposed to be weak! Yet I couldn't help it.

I fell to the ground, and pulled my legs up to my chest and started sobbing.

Compassion, adoration, the emotions rolling through the room made me want to scream.

I hardly heard the sound of Alice' phone, and her soft muttering to Edward.

I just laid there, thinking my life over, I suppose.

Not 5 minutes later, Edward came in.

My Edward.

My beautiful, loving Edward.

I could live through this. I would! For him!

I would endure the endless torture of him being in love with someone else.

I tried to calm myself.

It didn't work.

At _all_.

Edward stood there, I wouldn't know if my shield was up, because I didn't care if he'd heard me or not.

He saw me, broken, sobbing for him, feeling like I've just been torn in half.

Well, actually, I'd prefer being torn in half compared to this pain.

He did something unexpected; he lifted me off the floor and carried be down to the woods with inhuman speed, whispering; ''We need to talk.'' in my ear.


	6. To close

He put me down on an open spot.

I'd slightly composed myself and was now able to drag myself to a tree and lean on it, looking down.

''I don't get it.'' He began to whisper. ''I honestly do _not_ get it. _You_ left _me!_''

_WHAT? I DID NOT! I LOVED YOU, EDWARD, MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD! I STILL DO, PLEASE, PLEASE DUMP THIS BELLA, COME BACK, PLEASE!_

I couldn't say that. I couldn't even pass it on to his mind. I had to give him his chance of happiness; a life with the girl he's in love with now.

''Yes..'' I whispered. I never imagined the pain that would come of this word before.

He frowned. He didn't _look_ like he's in pain. But he was Edward; he was good at hiding.

I couldn't read his mind, I promised myself that, so I wouldn't know.

''Why.'' He whispered. Now I heard the pain. ''Was it because of Carter? Because I wasn't enough? Because you missed your first love?''

''Yes. I missed him. I've found things in him that I just couldn't find in you.'' I whispered, disgusted by my lies.

The voice was now overflowing with pain; ''And now he's here?'' he muttered. I looked up to his face.

Damn his pokerface. Damn the fact that I'm not allowed to read his mind.

''Yes.'' SHOP FREAKING WHISPERING!

I couldn't hope for anything. I could just hope I could built up a wall of lies between us that will make him ask me to leave. Which I would. I would regret it, but I would want him to be happy with his Bella.

''And now Bella is here.'' I muttered.

''Yes.'' He said, almost confident, ''Yes, Bella's here.''

''Good.'' I muttered, thinking of plans to make it look like I'm in love with Carter without actually having to _touch_ him.

''Yes,'' he whispered, ''good.''

I was on my feet so fast it wasn't a move.

''Guess we're ready to go?'' His doubt made the words a question.

''Yep.'' I muttered.

_Gosh, __I can't do this. Damn this. I love him. What if I'd just tell him? I could be happy with him, just as before! NO! Selfish, selfish, selfish! He needs this Bella. He deserves it. I won't take that away from him. Carter and I will just have to pretend to be together. I mean, how hard can that be?_

As I was about to start my run, but he took my arm and turned me around violently.

No! Out of pure distraction, thanks to the pain, I forgot to put on my shield! No, he couldn't have heard _that_ speech, right?

''What?'' He asked, his face blank.

I shook my head in horror, afraid of what he'll say. What if he saw how purely obsessed I still was with him? What if he'll send me away?

''What did you say?'' He nearly shouted.

''Nothing, it was nothing.'' I whispered.

''WHY?!'' he screamed now, ''WHY DID YOU LEAVE, AMY? YOU LOVED ME, YOU STILL DO! WHY, WHY, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?''

''Carter.'' Was my simple, whispered (of course) answer.

''YOU DON'T LOVE HIM!'' His _face_ was angry now, too.

I shook my head. ''Not in that way.''

''THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE?!'' His eyes started to look insane.

''BECAUSE I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF!'' I was screaming right back at him, ''I KNEW THAT I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO LOOK AT MYSELF AGAIN, WHILE THINKING OF MYSELF AS _AMY!_'' I was slightly calmed, and I saw the little frown between his eyebrows slowly disappear.

''I would think of myself as a murderer.'' I said, pleading for his understanding.

''This was about forgiveness?'' he asked.

''Yes,'' I muttered, ''I thought you knew.''

''But,'' he disagreed, of course, ''you _knew_ I didn't.''

''How could I've known that?'' I asked, perplexed.

''Amy, you can read every thought I had, from anywhere around the world.'' He muttered, his eyes slightly sarcastic.

''Yes, but I promised myself not to read you until you asked.'' I said, looking down, feeling more and more stupid with every word.

He lifted my face with his hand, and I was forced to look into his eyes.

''Read me.'' He whispered, closer than I'd expected.

And so I did.

I saw the scene when I left, utterly dramatic, with his commentary.

I could see the way he felt when he thought I left him for someone else.

I could see _me._ My face, always behind the lit of his eyes.

I could feel the love he'd felt for me before I left.

I could feel the love he'd felt for me in all the years I was gone.

I could feel the love he felt for me right now.

I opened my eyes.

His face was closer than I remembered and I backed off a little.

He took a hesitating step towards me.

I didn't move, and he took a few more. The déja-vu was shocking.

I once again found myself pinned against a tree, just as before, on one of out hunting trips, or one of our stupid little adventures.

His face was way close. To close!

I tried to push him away, but my arms didn't seem to _want_ to put any pressure on his chest.

They just wanted to touch him.

His breath hit my open mouth, and I nearly fell again.

This wasn't fair, this was torture.

How could I resist? All of my being is screaming for him to get closer, and the vivid scent wasn't helping.

''N-'' _No, this won't make anything any more easier!_ I wanted to say, but he already cut me off, and locked my lips with his.

All these years, all the lonely years, this was what I wanted. Half an hour ago, this was what I thought I could never have again. Now? Now I want it forever.

NO!

NO NO NO NO NO, YOU STUPID SELFISH-

NO! THIS IS NOT YOURS TO WANT.

This is not yours to claim.

His hart is not yours to have.

His hart is Bella's.


	7. Weddingcrashers

**Yeah, it's getting kinda hectic now, but err, here's a new chapter.**

**The next one is gonna take a little more time, because now I actually have to slightly stick to the book, and it's very difficult to see reason in Bella's pregnancy from Amy's perspective.**

**And, yes. I do think Edward still has a thing for Amy, but Bella's still priority number one.**

**Well, enjoy this chapter!**

**Btw, I keep forgetting to mention that I don't own Twilight.**

**because Steph does. AND SHE'S AWESOME (:**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

I did manage to push him off.

Well, manage.. I made an attempt to, and it worked! For half a second, then he'd taken both my hands in one of his and had another on my back, as he pushed me against the tree again and his lips were crushing onto mine.

Yeah, well, didn't work, to bad.

I had completely lost myself in the kiss again. After he was sure that would be my only attempt to stop him, he'd put both of my hands in his neck, and his hands were now curling around my waist.

After a few seconds, he pulled away a little, not letting me go, but just looking into my eyes, as if to check if I was still here and he wasn't making out with the tree or something.

He surprised me with a sudden; ''Don't ever leave again..'' whispered in my ear.

I shook my head. He took it wrong, and wanted to kiss me again.

I turned my head, and his eyes were confused.

''Not right now.'' I muttered.

''What?'' he moaned.

''I will leave again. Soon. But I will come back to stay.. eventually..''

He growled. SAY WOOT? Yes, he growled.

''No.'' It was sort and deciding.

''You love this Bella girl, right?'' I muttered.

He hesitated. I could seriously _tell_ he was just trying not to hurt my feelings.

''I love you more..'' **(AN; I think this is just an attempt to keep her here (: )** He began to whisper, but I already shook my head.

''I've got a little to sort out from my past..'' I said, making an effort to sound enthusiastic.

''I'll come with you!'' he said, probably fighting just as hard for the happy sound in his voice.

''No.'' Back to whispering again. ''No, you need to stay here, with Bella.. And, you know, I have Carter. He'll come with me. I owe him a little info 'bout his childhood, too.''

He nodded, slowly, and frowned.

Then, completely unexpected, because he'd already let me go, he took my face in both his hand and kissed me seriously.

Damn the low moan in my throat, that set him off into holding me so much tighter.

Well, yeah. I'll be leaving soon anyway.

Take what you can, eh?

ONE YEAR LATER

''Wow,'' Carter muttered, staring at the huge building the wedding would take place in, ''these people sure like it big, eh?''

''Yeah,'' I said, grinning, and turning to face him, ''Edward loves the old-fashioned way.''

I straightened his tie, wiped some hair out of his face and took his hand.

''Ready to shock the family?'' he muttered, grinning.

Oh, it was _the_ family now. Not yours, but the. Carter already thought of himself as a member of the Cullen family, not that I object, and was happy to take the spot of my 'mate'. Ok, now I object.

''Sure thing.'' I muttered, walking towards the massive doors.

We heard clapping and cheering so apparently, we were going to be massive weddingcrashers when the silence kicks in.

I took a deep, unnecessary breath, before opening the doors and facing none other than.. Yeah, a complete stranger.

The man asked if we were with the bride or the broom.

''Broom.'' I said, cheerfully.

None of my family members had noticed our presence yet, but as soon as my voice sounded through the massive church (Wow, lots of demons in a church, eh?) every vampire in the room turned to see me.

Alice, who apparently hadn't seen me coming, was the first so squeak an ran towards me for a hug, quickly followed by Esme and, to my big surprise, Emmett. (Emmett squeaked?)

A huge grin was starting to form on Carlisle's face and he also hurried towards us.

Bella gave a questioning glace towards Edward and he whispered _baby sister_ in her ear.

I grinned.

Thank god.

Baby sister was better than ex-girlfriend.

I winked at them, just before walking towards Japer and Rosalie to give them both a kiss on the cheek.

''You have another sister?'' She hissed. Wow, surprise. Edwards couldn't read her mind, but I could.

Damn, weird.

I half walked, half danced towards them, and gave Bella a kiss on her cheek, before properly introducing, hardly even noticing her, and then went over to hug Edward.

''Good to see you.'' He muttered in my ear.

''I can read your girlfriend,'' I muttered in the same endearing tone he'd used on me.

He stared at me in disbelief.

I shrugged, and passed on exactly what Bella thought at that moment, to him.

She'd just turned to look at him, and her only thought was; _I'm the luckiest girl in the world_.

I smiled at her, she deserved my Edw-… Brother!

I walked through the crowd to find my Carter.

I randomly searched through Bella's thoughts, and found out what their plans were for the honeymoon.

_Whoo-hoo, Eddy._ I said through his mind teasingly. He jumped a little_. Don't you be a naughty boy on your honeymoon._

His eyes widened. I chuckled as I noticed I'd hit the PAINFULLSUBJECT button.

I sighed.

This was going to be a loooong… life.

THREE HOURS LATER.

All of the Cullens, except for the happy love birds, were sitting in the living room.

''You know,'' I said, grinning, ''I think I could get used to Forks.''

Alice' head snapped up at once.

''You're staying!'' she sang.

She showed me the vision as proof.

''Yes ma'am.''

We all heard the cruiser pulling up op the porch. I'd heard it in all of their thoughts, which I've read, because I didn't want to miss anything funny in the past couple of years, and I wondered why Bella's dad would come here?

''Eh, guys?'' I said, teasingly, ''It's past midnight.. aren't we supposed to sleep, right now?''

''I don't know..'' Carlisle muttered. ''Is it urgent?''

I read Charlie. Oh, he's just here to pick up some of the stuff Renée left here, in the hurry of this afternoon.

''Nope.''

I had an idea.

''Can I sleep?'' I said, enthusiastically.

Carlisle nodded, and Carter already had me in his arms.

I got myself comfortable.

We heard three nocks on the door. Carlisle went to open it.

I closed my eyes, and pressed my lips to the bottom of Carters jaw, which I was facing.

Charlie came in. ''Hay guys, I'm her-'' He stopped as Carter and I caught his eye.

Carter politely raised his hand, and Charlie took is, hesitant.

''Carter Cullen, nice to meet you.'' He said, I could feel that he's grinning.

He nodded towards me, ''Amy Cullen.''

Charlie didn't know what to say, and turned to Carlisle, face and thoughts full of disbelief.

''_SEVEN?_'' he asked, completely perplexed.

Carlisle would've blushed is he could, but he just shrugged, smiling. ''What can I say. If you're adopting anyway, why not do it good. And by the way, these two are no trouble at all. They've spend 3 years in Europe. Boarding school.''

They've just been here for three years? Wow. Good, I guess. We can stay here longer!

I decided this was a good moment to wake up.

I slowly stretched, groaned a bit and opened my eyes.

''Carter, honestly, go to bed!'' I muttered, then my eyes met Charlie's glare.

''Oh,'' I said, sitting up quickly, ''Hi, Amélie Cullen.'' I smiled politely.

''Amélie, eh? Not a very common American name.'' He teased, ''Charlie.''

''No,'' I said, shrugging, ''I'm French, actually. But, err, nice to meet you anyways. You can call me Amy, everybody does.''

I sat a little more comfortable on Carter's lap, and looked at Charlie with expectant eyes.

''Oh, yes.'' He muttered, ''Renée left some stuff here?''

Alice already held a bag of which I swear she hadn't had before, and gave it to Charlie.

After Charlie left, everyone was silent. It wasn't uncomfortable. Just silent.

Carter suddenly rolled his eyes and muttered _Honeymoon._

''Yeah!'' I agreed, ''What's up with that?''

''Well, you probably already know from the plan, right?'' Carlisle muttered.

''Wh-'' I started but Emmett interrupted; ''What plan? She sex plan or the change plan?''

''WHAT?!''

He was having _sex_ with her?

''While she's still _human?!''_

''Yeah,'' Emmett said, teasingly, ''That's kind of where the whole change-idea is based on.''

I rolled my eyes at him.

Wow.

A coven of ten vampires.

Aro is _not_ going to like that.

REEEEEEVIEEEEEEEW


	8. Bella Balloona :D

**Edward; you are the most amazing person in the world.**

**Me; I know! Because of what this time?**

**Edward; uploading so fast!**

**Me; OMG. I KNOW, RIGHT?! (Muhahahaha. I hate people who say that :D)**

**Edward; but.. eh, do do have to.. you know..**

**Me; what?**

**Edward; say it!**

**Me; NOOOOOO**

**Edward; I'LL SPARKLE FOR YOU!**

**Me; _ilikedontlikeowntwilightorsomething._**

**Edward; what? Could you repeat that for me please?**

**Me; no, not really.**

**Edwards sexy voice; please?**

**Me; FINE! I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT. JUST AMY AND CARTER.**

**Edward; thank you. You. Are. Awesome.**

**AND EDWARD WILL THINK YOU ARE AWESOME TO WHEN YOU REVIEW. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH**

**(or else you're a stupid, stinking mutt :D)**

''Amy?''

Alice came up to me with the sweetest smile I've ever seen, but I knew better. And of course, her thoughts were all leading to one thing;

''NO! No, no, no. Ew, No! I'm not even going to _try_ to read Edward and Bella now. I prefer _not_ knowing what the hell they're doing on their honeymoon.''

She had a stupid, not-going-to-work idea.

''Alice,'' I muttered, rolling my eyes, ''pouty-face isn't going to work.''

''Aww, please. I just want to know if they need anything!''

''Alice, they'll call when they need something.''

''But..''

''ALICE! I REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY DO ON THEIR HONEYMOON.'' I screamed.

''Oh, that reminds me,'' Esme said, already standing in the middle of the room, facing me. ''Do you and Carter want some sort of house? Because, I haven't had that much projects lately, and, well, you know, I'd like to have something to work on.''

''I don't kn-''

''YES!''

Carter ran into the room, quickly followed by Emmett.

''Carter, we don't _need_ a house.'' I muttered.

''I do, I do, I do!'' Emmett yelled, raising his hand like a seven-year-old and jumping up and down.

''Sweetheart, I'm not going to waste any time on building you a house again. You and Rose always break it after a week.'' Esme said.

I looked at her in disbelief. ''We're not talking about toy cars here. We're talking about _houses!_ Big, expensive houses! Do you really just knock it to rumbles after a week?''

Emmett nodded proudly, and I had a sick idea _how_ they did that.

''I don't want to know,'' I muttered softly, looking down. Everybody chuckled.

''But, really, love.'' Esme started, ''You haven't got anything here that shows people you're staying. No house, no car. You don't even go to school! People will suspect something.''

Ok, she was missing something here;

''Esme..'' I said patiently, ''People will only suspect something if a 14 year old girl had her own house and was driving. Honestly, I don't need any of that.''

Emmett was thinking of buying me a little present, just to welcome me home.

It sort of shocked me. _Little_ present. The piano he was thinking about wasn't really something I'd call _little._

''Emm, I don't need anything!'' I said, slightly irritated.

''Amy, honestly.'' Alice said, rolling her eyes. ''Where were you the past couple of years? Under a rock?! You're wardrobe-, excuse me, it's not even worth calling it a wardrobe. You're tiny collection of clothes is smaller than Bella's! I'm going to take you to Port Angeles this afternoon! The shops need thinning!''

I groaned. Carter came to sit next to me on the couch, and took my hand. I smiled a little at his touch, it seemed to calm me. ''Amy, why can't we have our own house? And, I'm 17.. I can drive. Please, give then a change to think they're making us happy!'' He finished with a little grin on his face. I sighed. Unfair! Four against one.

''Fine!'' I shrugged.

Alice squealed and took my hand.

''No, wait! That was a fine to the car and the house, not to the shopping!'' But Alice was already dragging me towards her Porsche, and muttered _shut up._

''Well,'' she wondered while we were driving to the mall, ''What kind of car do you want? I mean, we can buy you one right now!'' She already got all hyped up from the idea, but I doubted if they had the car I want near a stupid town like Forks.

''Hmm. Let me think. I want a, err.. Range Rover.''

''Done!'' she squealed happily.

I moaned. She was unstoppable.

I had a great idea; I imitated her inner voice and started muttering; _Hmm. She doesn't really seem in to this. Maybe I should just leave her alone. If she needs a car, she'll ask me._

''Nice try, Amy.'' She smiled.

If looks could kill, she would be dead, buried, digged up, brought to life, and killed again.

''Damn you, Alice.''

Her eyes suddenly became blurry, and my attention immediately shifted over to her thoughts, her visions;

Bella.

Big-Balloon-Bella.

Big-Balloon-Baby-Bella.

Bella, lying on the couch, looking utterly dead, with a pillow tugged inside her shirt.

That would be the only explanation.

Edward couldn't give Bella a baby.

If she's cheated on him, I swear to god…

No, I wouldn't hurt her. I got to know her very well, since she was close to everyone of my family, who I've all read.

The vision continued; Bella was in pain.

I flinched, she didn't deserve that.

Edward was at her side..

Always.

Her face was paler than mine at the moment, she looked enormously tired, and her hand covered her massive belly.

Edward took it. I know the face he pulled. He was blaming things on himself again. Damn, it was his baby.

But, a half-vampire baby?

Like, an immortal child?

Geez, do these guys _want_ to piss Aro off?

Honestly, he's already not to keen on me, and he just needs a little more encouragement and he'll sent Demitri to find me.

Not that it'll help.

He can't find me, and I can bounce Jane's gift right back to her, if she'd every make an attempt to kill me, and the same for Alec', but I'm not really into the whole 'hide-and-seek' game they want to play.

But ok, kids, we're losing the point here.

Bella's pregnant!

But, vampire-baby.

How she hell is she going to give birth to that thing?

It'll hurt her.

I opened my mouth to ask Alice what she thinks, but her head snapped up at she muttered; ''I'm not sure. We _have_ to tell Carlisle, _now._''

Right, physic.

But, of course, Carlisle wasn't at home.

Alice grabbed her phone, while I desperately tried to explain Esme what's going on.

Edward didn't pick up his phone, and after a while I started to walk around the room, making everyone nerves.

_Hi, Alice._ I heard Bella say from the other line.

''Bella? Bella, are you okay?'' Alice panicked.

Carlisle's Mercedes pulled up on the porch, and I ran outside to grab his stupid white coat and pulled him into the eyes.

_Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there? _Bella sounded slightly tired, maybe ill.

''He is. What's the problem?''

Her voice became a little absent.

_I'm not…one hundred percent… sure… _GOD, THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!

The question that ran through my mind came out of Alice' mouth;

''Is Edward alright?'' she asked loudly, and then she hissed ''Carlisle!'' before continuing to Bella; ''Why didn't he pick up the phone?''

_I'm not sure._

''Bella, what's going on? I just saw-''

_What did you see? _She demanded, slightly shocked and very urgent.

''Here's Carlisle.'' Alice said after a little pause.

Carlisle took over the phone, and ran to his office, where I couldn't, and honestly didn't want to hear him.

'' 'Sup?'' Emmett asked, while walking through the door and seeing all our faces.

''The sky.'' I answered.

''Sure, that's up.'' He muttered, rolling his eyes.

''Bella's pregnant.'' I muttered.

He looked at me in disbelief, before bursting in to laughter.

Sure, trust Emmett to find a joke in the destruction of Bella's life.

Oh I'm sorry. Let me change that. Trust Emmett to find a joke in Bella's death, and therefore the entire family ripped apart.

''Shut up.'' I snapped.

Carlisle walked down the stairs at human pace, hardly noticing anything;

He was thinking about his son, the incubus, and his pregnant daughter-in-law.

''And?'' I asked, trying to sound casual, but the pain in my voice didn't slip anyone's attention. ''She preggo?''

''Yes.'' He whispered. ''Yes, she's pregnant.''

My eyes went wide, and I stared at my hands, trying to swallow. I immediately felt Carters hands on my shoulders, pulling me to the couch, and onto his lap. Good old Carter. My best friend.

He'll always be here for me when I don't feel to great, even if he knew my feelings for him where slightly different than his for me.

But he'd never confess it. He wouldn't bug me with that news; he was actually afraid of losing me.

Like I would lose Bella, if we aren't getting that thing _out._

_They're coming home?_ I asked Carlisle through his mind, not capable of speaking sentences out load at the moment.

_Yes._

_We are getting that thing out of her, before it hurts her, right?_

He was silent as his mind drifted to the options.

_Yes_. He said, finally.

Rosalie rose from her seat, and ran upstairs, where her phone rang.

I quickly shifted to her mind, and followed her. The screen on her phone said Bella.

_Why __the hell would that moron call _me_?_

Geez, Rose, honestly, harsh dude.

''Hello?'' She asked, bored.

_Rosalie?_ Bella's panicked voice sounded; _It's Bella. Please. You have to help me!_

I froze.

DAMMIT!

**MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**REVIEEEEEW**

**I'LL GIVE YOU EDWARD!**

**no, jokes. He's mine.**

**muahahaha**


	9. Selfless

**GOSH.**

**I RULE _SO_ BAD.**

**I ALREADY OPLOADED AGAIN :D**

**TELL MEH YOU LOVE MEH!**

**I do not own twilight. If I would have owned Edward, I would be in Forks by now. And I'd be freaking immortal. And I'd be super awesome :D**

**muahahahahahaha**

**ok, ENJOYZ AND REVIEWZ!**

**I'll give you Jasper! (Think about how pretty you're kids are gonna be :D muahaha future Ms. Haaaale)**

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We just arrived at the airport and I was _pissed. _Especially at Rosalie. And, you know, I don't like to keep secrets from my dear beloved family (FEEEEL THE SARCASM) therefore I didn't pretend otherwise.

I stepped out of the Jeep, the only car we all fitted in, and was quickly followed by the rest of the family.

''Rosalie parks the car.'' I said, not particularly towards Rosalie.

''But it'll take at least half and hour, and I really need to see Be-'' she complained.

''_I wasn't talking to you!''_ I snapped, furiously.

She immediately shut up and walked back towards the car. Dumb-freaking-blonde.

She couldn't care less about Bella.

Screw Bella. Bella can go die, for all she cares.

She just cares about her stupid dream. A baby. You know, Rosalie? Baby's grow up. So do dogs. What ya gonna do, dump it when it's six? When it's not cute and cuddly any more? Get a freaking puppy. Adopt! What-the-hell-ever. It gets born, it poops, it vomits, then it'll steal all your money, your time and it'll destroy at least two of your cars, then it dies! Honestly, I don't get the hype.

And the worst part? Bella wants this damn child, too. I've been following her mind around all day, very careful not to look at the lovey-dovey honeymoonthoughts, and she is freaking Edward out, too!

She's been so distant, he thinks she's completely furious with him.

Finally, when we arrived at the hall, all my fury disappeared when I saw Bella, helpless and scared.

Rosalie had just came up behind us, and Bella immediately ran into her arms.

Ok, ladies and gentleman, I'd like to welcome back my fury!

Rosalie stood in front of her, protective. I saw Edward take a step closer at Bella, his hand extended, reaching for her to touch him, but Bella flinched at whispered; ''He just wants to hurt the baby.'' in Rosalie's ear.

Edward gasped, taking a few steps back, looking like he was just hit by seven cars, then fallen of a flat, then had a punch in the gut… by Emmett. (yeah, that hurts)

Not in the mood to hide my own pain, I took Carters hand and buried my head in his shoulder.

Stupid, stupid freaking baby. Go kill someone freaking else.

*****

It sort of annoyed me that Edward and Rosalie were always with Bella. Honestly, they need to hunt, and I'm pretty responsible. I can take care of Bells for a few hours without killing her.

Bella was on the sofa in the living room for a day now, and she's already getting tired of it. Well, maybe you should just let us dump the baby.

Rosalie was always hovering over her, protecting her.. Sorry, protecting _it_ against us. Edward usually just sat by the couch, looking like he was about to commit suicide.

Bella was in pain. It shows. She always tries to hide it, to make Edward feel better, but they both know this thing will kill her.

I don't get it. Honestly, why waist your life? You _know_ this thing is going to kill you.

But Bella has her own plans.

Because Bella _knows_ she's surrounded by dead people. Bella figured a way to survive.

Not that it'll work out _to_ perfectly, but it'll work.

And then we've got a problem with our dear beloved wolf pack.

They think Bella's been changed. They think Edward killed her, and broken the treaty. They have no idea what's going on, whatsoever, and now they're sending someone to check.

Jacob Black.

A pain in the ass of my family.

And my family's a pain in the ass of his. Well, not his family, but his pack. Well, you know where I'm going, right?

Edward hates him, Bella loves him. Seems like a nice kid, to me.

Kid, dog. Whatever?

He's hopelessly in love with Bella. That's why his thoughts were filled with pain, when he walked up to our doorstep, facing Carlisle.

''Hello Jacob. How are you?'' I heard Carlisle ask.

His thoughts were kind of amusing. He thought about how he not really wanted to kill Carlisle, because he was so _human_.

''Heard Bella made it back alive?'' his tone was harsh.

''This isn't the best time, Jacob.'' Carlisle seemed uncomfortable. ''Can we do this another time?''

''What, are we keeping secrets from Jacob now, too?'' Bella asked, mostly to Edward.

''Jacob, please come in.'' she muttered right after that, after Edward didn't say anything.

He walked inside and first saw Bella. Relief took over his face. She was still human.

Then he noticed me and Carter.

_Two more?_ He thought_. Aren't seven enough? God, they're also together. Stupid stinking leeches._'

''Yeah, nice to meet you to!'' I snapped, bitter.

_Touchy._ He thought.

I chuckled at his little joke.

_God, another one in my head. Great. Just freaking great._

''Really,'' I said, still grinning. ''it's nice to meet you. Amy.''

''Jacob.'' He muttered.

''I know.'' I smiled. ''Heard a lot about you. From eight different perspectives, actually.''

He raised his eyebrows, but already made the conclusion, and I just shook my head.

Almost automatically, my head snapped up at Bella, who was frowning. Jacob quickly followed my example, and soon he'd forgotten about everything else.

''What have they done to you?'' he whispered, defeated.

''Help me get up.'' Bella muttered to Rosalie, who immediately took her elbows.

''No!'' Jacob gasped. ''You don't have to get up!''

''It's ok.'' She muttered, now standing up straight.

Her belly was now already huge-ish.

This was going to be horrible.

*****

''You,'' I said to Edward, and then pointed to Rosalie. ''and you! Hunting, now. If you don't hunt right now, you'll hurt Bella. Do you want that?'' I asked, raising my eyebrows.

''I don't know..'' Edward said hesitant. **( I know Edward wouldn't leave in real-fictional-life, but just pretent he isn't so protective by nature :P )**

I rolled my eyes. ''Edward. I'm here. So is Carter. Nothing's gonna happen. Now GO!''

I nearly pushed them out of the house, before turning to a sleeping Bella. She looked kinda peaceful. I sighed. I wish there was something I could do to help.

Carter was downstairs, since he'd just invented videogames, and didn't come up for half an hour.

Suddenly, Bella groaned and blinked. Crap, she's waking up. What do you do to entertain her? She's like a puppy. Or a five year old. I can't think of anything to say.

''Where's Edward?'' she muttered sleepy, probably not towards me, but I answered anyway.

''Hunting. With Rosalie. There was need for it. And, eh, I sort of made them go.'' I said, sort of proud.

She chuckled. Then was silent, as she thought of something she probably didn't want me to know. I gave her her privacy and tuned her out. She sighed. ''Can I ask you something?'' she wondered, looking up at me.

''Anything.'' I smiled politely.

''You and Carter..'' she began. I didn't really liked the start of our conversation. ''are you together?''

I looked up, surprised. I guess that was what we looked like to other people. A couple.

''No.'' I muttered, shaking my head. ''No, not like that. I mean, he's more than my best friend. I'm only comfortable when he's close. But romantically.. I don't know.'' I still tried to sound politely.

''And he feels that way about you to?'' she asked, sounding very curious.

I hesitated. Should I tell her? Carter's downstairs, and I know he won't be paying attention when he's videogaming, but.. Well, what the hell.

''You know.. the thing with vampire lovers.. and with you, strange enough.. is that, eh..'' why was this so hard? ''Well, out minds work a little different than yours. We have more room to think, which means we can think really fast, and we can think about a certain subject all the time, without being distracted from other thoughts. And that's the thing. Vampires always think about their mate. They see their face always. It's always behind the lit of their eyes. Edward has that with you, you have that with Edward. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme.. you know where I'm going, they all have that. But, the weird thing is.. Carter always sees _me._ I'm always on his mind. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes, you know. I don't think he knows what it means. Nor do I, therefore. And it's kind of scary. But it's not in his nature to bug me with something like that. He'll be for me whatever makes me happy, either that's a friend of a lover.''

Was she crying? God, I'm such a monster.

''That's really beautiful, you know.'' She muttered.

I smiled weakly. ''I wouldn't know what to do without Carter. He just keeps me together sometimes. Like he's the only thing to keep me sane.''

I heard Edward and the blonde-who's-name-I-want-to-forget thoughts before I heard their footsteps.

I smiled a little wider at Bella. ''Edward's almost here.''

She sighed in relief.

Edward stormed into the room, his eyes a pretty tint of gold, and he was followed by Rosalie.

She others were still on a longer trip, but Carlisle's thoughts were already moving closer towards our house.

Edward immediately grabbed Bella's hand. ''Sorry, love, I didn't know you were awake, I would've stayed.''

''It's ok. Amy's very entertaining.'' She said, grinning.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

I heard someone approach our house, and I froze. They noticed and gave me curious glances.

I searched for the thoughts that came with the rough sound of trees being pushed out of the way, and I saw it was Jacob, checking in. It has become a daily routine. Well, for the three days he's actually been here. I decided I wanted to go outside to meet him.

I waited on the steps of the porch. I sighed and closed my eyes.

I heard him stop a few feet away from me.

''Mornin' mutt.''

''Leech.'' He muttered, nodding. ''Bells ok?''

''Bells' fine.''

''Good.'' He muttered.

I expected him to ran inside the house, as he usually did, but to my surprise he sat down a couple of steps below me, and looked at my closed eyes.

''So, eh.. 'sup?''

''The sky.'' I sang.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. ''You know, my friend Embry sort of _invented_ that joke?''

''Bet he did.''

''K. Just checkin'.''

We were silent for a while, until I heard him get on his feet and walked inside. Should I follow him? Bella might think I don't like being around her when I don't..

But, Carlisle's thoughts came closer and I decided to wait out here for a few minutes, 'till they were here.

My head snapped up.

_I always knew he'd kill her, one way or another._ Jacob thoughts sounded bitterly about Edward, the incubus.

''Outside, now.'' Edward snapped, immediately on his feet.

''I'd love to, bloodsucker.''

''No!'' Bella snapped. ''Don't fight!'' She pleaded.

Both Jacob and Edward didn't relax.

I slowly walked into the room, and stood between them.

''Behave.'' I muttered.

Jacob snapped up out of his crouch, and walked out of the door, his head face arrogant.

I heard my family coming closer to the edge of the woods, and I ran outside to meet them again.

Jacob was out of sight.

I smiled at my parents, my brothers and sister.

They were truly family to me.

I wouldn't know what to do without them.

I sighed. Now I had a sister to take care of.

I heard Bella scream of pain, and I immediately ran inside the house, to stop only inches away from the couch, hands extended to help.

''I'm… fine…'' Bella whispered, eyes pinched shut. I growled furiously, and made my legs move to the couch. I pulled my legs to my chest and started rocking myself back and forward, mumbling to myself.

''You're _not_ fine.'' I snapped, angry. ''That _thing_ is hurting you, and you're letting it. And you're in pain, and there's nothing I can do, and it's driving me crazy.'' I finished, angry.

I was still rocking myself like some sort of psycho, when Bella flinched again.

I was already at her couch, arms extended, face excruciated. I started pleading; ''Please, Bella. Tell me what to do, give me something to do.'' I moaned, ''_before_ I lose my sanity.''

She shook her head. ''Hardly felt that one.''

I groaned, and let myself fall on my back, where I started to rock myself again.

Everybody in the house thought I'd just lost it.

I need something to keep me sane right now.

And, of course, Carter was already pulling me into a tight hug, mumbling ''Maybe we should get out of here, eh?''

I nodded.

He took my hand and ran.

We didn't really ran _to_ anywhere, just _from_.

I still followed everything that happened inside of the living room.

Alice was trying to explain things to Bella;

''She's very protective. With her abilities, she can technically look into your soul. And, well, if she thinks you're a good person.. well, she just does that sometimes. She would give her life to make a stranger happy. It's in her nature. And, well, you are a very good person Bella, and she can't make you happy right now, she can't take the pain away. It drives her crazy.

Carter was still holding my hand, but he'd moved to human pace.

Bella seemed to be ok again, so I was free to think about what Alice said.

Yes, I would do a lot for a person with a good heart.

I would do anything to make a person I love happy.

The happiness I never got.

But.. I was still selfish.

The person that meant the most to me, he sweetest soul I knew, was walking right next to me.

I pulled Carter into a hug, sobbing softly in his neck.

I could make him so happy. Just like he had, so many times. It would be so easy.

I didn't care..

About _anything_ anymore.

I could just feel numbness taking over when I slowly moved my head a little, and I pushed a kiss in Carters neck.

I felt him froze.

EPOV

I followed Amy a bit, since Bella was asleep again.

She and Carter had only ran a little while, and continued in human pace.

They were just a few miles from the house, I could hear the thoughts perfectly clear, and if you listened very carefully, you might just even hear their voices.

Amy was sad. She was driving herself crazy with her anxiousness towards helping Bella.

Not that I wasn't, but we weren't talking about that.

Amy was thinking about Carter. And making people happy.

She thought she was selfish.

She loved Carter a lot, and it only took so little to make him happy. Why couldn't she do it?

I wasn't completely satisfied with these thoughts. They sort of pissed me off.

She'd pull Carter closer for a hug, and he was stroking her back with his fingertips absentmindedly.

I felt her face turning emotionless, as an idea ran into her mind.

She closed her eyes, and cocked her head to the side to kiss Carter's neck.

I froze. I noticed Carter did to.

His finger stopped at her waist, and his eyes turned wide with surprise and enthusiasm.

Here face became a little pained, a bit scared before she cocked her head a little more and started pushing kisses towards the base of his throat.

His hands slowly stretched and he whirled them around her waist subtlety.

Her lips were now at his jaw, and flew to his cheekbone. I saw them part slightly as she exhaled sharply on his cheek.

He moaned, and his hand flew up to her face as he pulled her lips to his.

It was a sweet kiss, very careful, very endearing. It made me so angry I couldn't speak.

I wanted to rip stupid Carters head of, burn it and sell the ash to gypsies.

She had pulled away slowly, and pushed her forehead to his.

She just stared into his eyes, a little crease between her eyebrows, and then slowly pulled away. She took his hand and pulled him deeper into the woods, where I couldn't hear them.

I always knew she would end up with that boy. It hadn't fully occurred to me yet that I just watched their first kiss.

I closed my eyes at the thought of our first kiss. That was _not_ as sweet and endearing. My eyes flew back about eighty years ago, to the little town we were then.

She had just recently found our family, and was not a part of it yes.

At the time, it was just me, Carlisle and Esme.

I remembered the fascination, to find someone with the same hunting habits as we have.

I remembered that I immediately felt attracted to her.

She became a close friend to the family. I took her, as a polite youngman _should_ do, out on a hunting trip. Well, a polite _vampire_ youngman.

I remembered thinking about how kissing her would be like, when I felt her arms around my neck and her lips on mine. I almost immediately pushed her to the ground and I was on top of her. I, at the time, didn't know she could read my mind. I thought it was coinsidence, that the idea for my lips on hers was just as perfect for her as it has been for me.

It was a kiss that Bella and I will not be able to share.. Yet.

Her leg whirled around my waist as our lips wrestled enthusiastically.

I was snapped out of the thought because I heard her and Carter running back to the house. Well, heard their thoughts. Hers were quiet. She was, just as I was, also thinking about our first kiss. A faint smile played around her lips. It was a sad smile.

Carter, on the other hand, was thinking of giving her a second. The primary need and cravings were new to him. And, not very pleasant for me, I heard primary need _win_.

He pulled her arm, almost pleading, and pulled her tight against him.

His lips found hers again, just a lot less sweet, and he growled softly.

She was completely shocked at first, but her instinct of giving him anything he wanted, all the time won, and she kissed him back.

The pained expression was back on her face.

I decided to stay in Carters mind, because I didn't really wanted to feel how it felt to have Carters lips on hers.

His tongue hit her lower lip, asking for entrance. She froze.

He noticed.

He pulled away, angry. She looked slightly scared and he pinned her against a tree.

''Why?'' he moaned in her ear, fury flowing in his voice. ''Why did you kiss me?''

She didn't say anything.

Carlisle had heard Carters moan, because he had the best ears of the family, and moved, unnoticed, to the window, to hear more.

''Amy, why?'' he said, clearly.

''Don't you feel it?'' she whispered, a strange expression in her face.

''Feel what?'' Carter said, truly curious. ''A spark? Don't give me that crap, Amy.''

She shook her head. ''Don't you feel it?''

She shuddered slightly before continuing. ''Don't you feel the _cold?_''

He was perplexed; he didn't move, his mouth still by her ear, and his arms still surrounding her.

''Don't you feel the numbness? The emotionlessness?'' she tried to swallow. ''I feel empty. Like I have nothing left.''

I froze, and I saw Carlisle do the same. I didn't know this. I didn't know she _felt_ like this. I had no idea how lost she really was. She'd put up a good show.

''Don't you feel it?'' she whispered, closing her eyes.

''I just want to feel something besides the cold.''

Wow.

Amy was depressed.

_My_ Amélie was depressed!

I should have known.

I should have been there for here. But I'm a selfish moran, and I know it. I hurt her.

And now it's to late.

Because she has someone else to take care of her.

Carter has put both his arms around her and whispered in her ear; ''I'll always be here for you. You know that. I'll keep you together.''

That wasn't what bugged me.

''I'll keep you warm.''

That sentence. I should have been that for here.

I'm here brother, I was her lover and I'm still her friend.

Not her best friend, but I'm the one that knows her best. And I should have known she felt like this.

I couldn't belief what a complete idiot I was!

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**I mean it.**

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**And Carlisle, coz he's sexy :)**

**MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**next chapter has yet to be written.**

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**poor you :D**


	10. Answers

**I AM MEAAAAN.**

**BECAUSE**

**WELL. RENESMEE'S BIRTH HAS YET TO COME.**

**but. **

**Before I forget.**

**I am going to Spain this weekend, and I'll be there for ten days. I'm not updating any time soon, so that why I'm doing it now.**

**And btw. REVIEW!**

**And I do not own twilight ):**

**AND, BEFORE I FORGET; I'VE GOT A NEEEEW FANFIIIIC.**

**YAY.**

**SO READ IT. AND REVIEW :D**

**

* * *

**

Bella frowned uncomfortable. ''Can I ask you something again?'' she muttered. I already saw where this was going, of course. This could be fun.

''Yes, of course.'' I sang.

I watched her face became nervous and she quickly glanced at Edward. A faint blush rose to her cheeks, and I could almost _hear_ Edward moan; Bella hadn't really shown signs of life the past few hours, and she was almost just as pale as he was.

I saw Edward watch the blush and saw the effect it had on the deep blue sofa Bella was laying on. He could literally cry of pleasure. Well, not really. But.. yeah, never mind.

''Can't you already see it?'' she asked shyly, obviously not wanting so say this out loud with Edward so close.

''I wouldn't _dare._'' I sang again, happily.

Bella groaned. ''Fine,'' she muttered, softly, as if she didn't _know_ we could hear it perfectly fine. ''The soul thing.. do you think about that the same way as Edward does?''

I felt Edward froze.

For a reason I couldn't recall exactly, I became very serious. This was something Bella was very concerned about, and she was truly curious. I watched her eyes nervously moving to Edwards face before locking them with mine. She looked like she was trying to _force_ the answer out of me.

''Yes.'' I said, looking to the floor and frowning.

''So, you think you've lost your soul?''

I thought about that. Did I? I remembered the stories I've heard about this subject. No, no I didn't.

''A few years ago? No..'' I began, hesitant, still deep in thought. ''Not necessarily _lost_ my soul. Just the chance to go to heaven. I mean, we're damned. I don't doubt that, I don't argue with that. From my point of view, it's like our souls have a black edge to them, showing that we aren't _suppose_ to be the same. Like we should be exceptional, and therefore, people see we can't go to heaven. _Now_? No. I still don't. I am starting do doubt my black-edge theory. Especially after meeting Carlisle. He's changed my opinion about certain things. I do believe people like Carlisle deserve a chance to go to heaven. I'm not truly convinced if they actually do. But we.. this family..'' I searched for words. This was so difficult, it was almost frustrating. I saw Edwards head snap up at my black-edge theory, and he was listening carefully. ''This family.. we're different. Freaks. We go against our nature. Maybe that's the thing that is eventually going to cost us our chance to heaven, trying to.. experiment, really. Trying to change who we are. But for people like Carlisle, Esme… Edward.. I mean.. this family. It's hard to believe that there is no chance of happiness in an after life for creatures like them.''

''So, you do still think you have a soul?'' she asked. Edwards eyebrows pulled up just a tiny bit.

''Yes..'' I said, smiling. This was a happier explanation. ''Yes, I'm convinced of that. I mean.. what is a soul? A soul is happiness. A soul is love. A soul are feelings! Cheerfulness, but also anger, hatred. But… especially.. a soul is love. And vampire love is _so_ strong.. well, you see it yourself. This whole family is filled with love, drowned in it.'' I chuckled. ''Yes, I'm pretty sure we do have souls.''

Bella let out a sigh of relief.

Edward was, of-freaking-course, questioning my logics. Not that I wasn't, I mean, I practically made up half the story I'd just told. But I still had a feeling I was right. I mean, a person like Carlisle, or Esme; a person so _good!_ I doubt if the Gods don't see that.

''Any more questions?'' I asked, smiling.

''Yes..'' she started. She blushed even harder, and her flushed cheeks became a lovely rose-ish colour. ''Shoot!'' I encouraged.

But she didn't. Her blush really made me focus on her face, and I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. How could I've missed that.

I was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa, but I gasped loudly and fell back on my hands, staring at her eyes.

''What?'' she asked, confused.

I moved a little closer, looking at her eyes thoughtfully. This couldn't be…

''You're eyes..'' I whispered, completely perplexed by the shock. ''They're mine.''

I saw her eyes widened, then she blinked at then I watched them narrow.

''Ok, I give up. Why are my eyes yours?'' she asked, sighing.

''The colour.. I had exactly the same eyes as you do..'' I muttered. I was completely sure about this, I've seen my eyes through the tribe's memories countless times. They all thought my eyes were pretty, and they missed their warmth.

The deep pools of chocolate that were locked into my own, honey shaded ones, seemed so familiar.. yet so.. forgotten.

''Weird..''

Did I make her uncomfortable? Tee-hee. Well, I _was_ staring at her like I've never seen a human being before.

''How are you so sure?'' Edward wondered out loud.

''Tribe saw them. They liked them. They're just like a big pool of warm, melted chocolate. Even if I can't eat chocolate, and I'm certainly disgusted by the idea, they're still very pretty. It's like they warm you up, or something.'' I said, smiling slightly and still staring at Bella.

'Hmm..'' Edward came sit next to me, leaned forward and started staring at Bella's eyes the same, utterly retarded, way I did.

Ok, now she _really_ was uncomfortable.

I chuckled. ''Well, back to the topic. What was it you were trying to ask me?''

She looked down, ashamed. It seemed impossible, but her cheeks actually became even redder!

''Bella!'' I moaned. ''This is torture, just tell me what you want to ask!''

''_Areyouokwithmebeingavampire?''_ she muttered under her breath.

''What was that, love?'' Edward asked.

Bella sighed. She _really_ hated this. ''Are you ok.. with me.. being a vampire? Like, a member of this.. family?''

I chuckled.

''Yes.. I'd love for you to be a member of my family. I do think it's a little to early, but there is no way back now. But.. do you never want to.. did you never had a single moment of.. doubt? Maybe that you needed more time? You know, goodbye and stuff?''

She shot a loving glance at Edward and whispered _never._

''Then no, I don't have any trouble with it.. But I do have the feeling this, '' I patted her giant belly. ''is going to speed things up. I mean, honestly. What could you possibly be feeling right now? You're staring death in the eyes. I mean, death is _inside_ you! It's like a countdown towards it! Like, take-15-steps-and-shoot-but-you-forgot-your-gun-and-home-and-you're-facing-someone-with-a-machinegun! I don't know how you're feeling. None of us saw this thing coming. And I hardly remember any of it, so that's a plus. I just woke up, utterly convinced I was dead. I was pretty sure that the change was hell. Like, really; HELL! Burning forever, all that stuff.'' I started drifting off our point.

''Don't get me wrong Bella, I'd love to see you as a part of my family.. but how could anyone want this.. this life? I mean, I'm guilty of just about every sin you can possibly think off! I _kill_ people. I killed a lot of people I loved! I can't possibly _want_ that for someone!''

''_Every_ sin I could think off? No way! You're just fourteen!'' she said, probably not even _realising_ what she said, until it hit her.

''Oh, sorry. Slipped my mind for a moment there. How old are you?''

''You're right, I _am_ fourteen!'' I sang innocently.

I heard Carters familiar snort as he walked into the room, sat next to me and flung his arm over my shoulder.

''_What?_'' I said, grinning. ''_I am fourteen!_''

''Sure thing, babe.'' He muttered, rolling his eyes.

''OH!'' I yelled, theatrically looking very surprised. ''You're talking about my _other_ age!'' I said, laughing.

Bella chuckled and asked again what my age is.

''That, my lady, is a secret I swear to never tell you. You will think I am very old and stupid. I didn't even mention the fact that I am, not only clinically, but also in age, utterly dead.'' I said with a goofy grin on my face, in an thick English accent.

She rolled her eyes. ''Tell meeeeheee.'' She whined.

I rolled her eyes. ''Little baby. I am, if my calculating is right.. which it probably is, because.. you know the whole vampire-super-mind thing, right? Funny story, actually, I'll tell you right now..'' I said, grinning idiotically wide.

''Amy!'' she yelled, laughing.

''Amélie, ma'am.'' I chuckled.

''Really?'' she asked, distracted.

''Yes, ma'am. _Let me tell you that story, too!_ I was born in Paris in the year…Paris is great for shopping, by the way. You should really let me and Alice take you, sometimes!''

''Amy! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE?!''

''Ok. Now you're just nagging.''

''Amy!''

''I mean, I don't get a minute of rest here, do I?''

''AMY!''

''I feel utterly hurt, Bella. You hurt me!''

''_AMY?!''_

''I'm a little over six hundred.'' I whispered, looking down, ashamed of my age.

I heard Bella gasp.

That's why I never felt comfortable telling people my age. Even Edwards eyes popped a little.

I always made a joke out of it, try to laugh it off.. but, I really don't like telling people that.

I heard that Bella wasn't breathing. _How selfish could you be? I mean, you're little (not so little) sister is really upset about something, and you're just being scared or intimidated by her._ I growled at my angry thought. Bella didn't deserved it, she was a good person.

My growl had silenced everybody, and all I heard was Bella's heartbeat picking up intensely, and Carters thoughts about yanking me away from the room to make sure I wouldn't hurt anyone. He knew me well. He just knew I'd regret it insanely, later.

''Sorry..'' I said, looking to my hands. All the things I've done with those hands.. I closed my eyes at the violent mental pictures. ''I didn't mean to scare you. I really didn't. It's just that my age.. it upsets me sometimes, you know.''

She nodded. She _understood_. Right.

''Wow..'' she whispered. ''I honestly didn't see that one coming. I mean, you're two times Carlisle's age!''

''Not helping.'' I whispered.

''I know.. sorry.'' She whispered back. ''I just blur out random things sometimes, didn't mean to offend you.''

''Not offended.'' I muttered, getting a little uncomfy myself.

''Sooooo..'' Carter yelled loudly, pulling my hand. ''We should go hunt. Bella's looking pretty tired, and did it ever occur to you that I don't have the blessing of not smelling her and not feeling the need to kill her violently?'' he said, smiling sweetly at Bella. Edward let out a primal growl.

Bad move, Carter.

Edward was loosing it. He feared Bella's death so badly, he just started going completely crazy.

I chuckled, immediately feeling sorry when Edward winched at me, and pulled Carter to the back door, already feeling a lot better.

Carter did always brighten my mood.. but I doubted if he could pull me out of the depression I've been in for several hundreds of years now. Not that I've ever giving him a chance to do so. I looked at his face.

I looked at the dark brown, warm hair that was resting on his forehead, I looked at the soft curls in his neck.

I looked at the eyes that seemed to pull me in, inviting me. The shade of honey had darkened slightly because of the thirst, but, of course, it suited him.

I looked at the pale skin, that seemed to be the most beautiful of all of us. I looked at the sharp edges of his jaw and his cheekbones.

I never noticed. My Carter was, sort of, insanely handso-

''What?'' he yelled with a huge, goofy grin on his face, that made him seem a lot younger than the seventeen years he'd spent alive.

He'd caught me staring and broke me off mid-thought.

''You are really beautiful.'' I whispered.

He looked slightly surprised, slightly thoughtful. I knew why. I'd kissed him. I'd hurt him right after that. I'd _used_ him.

But then, my ear-to-ear grin appeared and a soft chuckled escaped his perfect shaped lips.

Why was I thinking off all this? Why was I thinking so… improper about my Carter? _Why had I never noticed how amazingly beautiful and sweet and caring and… perfect he was?_

''Yeah, well, I've been told that befo-''

This time it was my turn to break him off mid-sentence.

I launched myself at him and locked his lips with mine.

He was a little wary for a moment, but half a second later, he'd wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and was kissing me back.

I knew why.

He and I both immediately saw, and felt, the difference between last time and this time.

I was smiling. And not just smily-smiling. No, I was smiling like I've seen the sun for the first time.

He lifted me off the ground to give him better access to my mouth, and I felt his tongue begging my lip for entrance.

This time I didn't hesitate.

I parted my lips for him. I felt his soft tongue stroke mine as we both growled with pleasure.

He put me back down on my feet, never breaking the kiss, and yanked my knees playfully.

He'd bow over a little and pushed my shoulders down. I was laying in the soft grass of, apparently, a small but extraordinary beautiful meadow, **(Seriously, that meadow earns credit)** and his body was covering mine.

After what seemed way to short, he turned around abruptly and pulled me on top of him, still smiling.

''What's with the change of plans?''

I sighed. Why did I have to _explain_ the sudden burst of fierce love I felt for him? I didn't even know why that'd happened myself!

''I honestly.. have _no_ idea.'' I whispered, stroking a bit of hear out of his eyes. ''I guess I just.. looked.. closely.. at what I had.. at what I needed, and wanted, and to what I found in you. At I guess it matched.'' I chuckled at my stupid explanation.

He pulled me closer and inhaled my scent.

"Love you, Amy."

"I love you, too."

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**Sweeeet isn't it?**

**REVIEW AND I'LL GIVE YOU A COOOOOKIEEEE.**


	11. Bloodlust

Very short little middle-chap here.

I am having a _huuuuuuge_ writers block.

And I actually already wrote the ending I liked.

And it's not all that happy.

But, even if it's short;

Enjoy and Revieeew :D

Disclaimer; I don't own Twilight.

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Carters scent was like a drug to me. The air was thick with it and twirled around my head, driving me insane. His lips were fierce on mine, he was laying on top of me, which was slightly uncomfortable, but I didn't complain. The senses I'd once shut off, because of Bella's scent, were now working fully.

I didn't want to miss a thing.

One of his hands was on my waist, while the other one seemed glued to my cheek.

"Amy?" he whispered against my lips.

"Hmmm?" was my genius answer.

"Maybe we should get going."

I just moaned in disagreement and pulled his face back to mine.

"Really, Amy." He chuckled. His arms let go of me and rested at both sides of my head, lifting his weight of me. "They're probably worried."

"Don't you think I'd know that best?" I smirked.

"Amy." He complained, rolling his eyes.

"Fine, fine."

I inhaled his glorious scent one more time and held my breath. If we were going home, other scent would distract me from his, and I did not want that to happen.

I whistled all the way back to the house, using the breath I had.

"Why's she so happy?" Bella asked Edward. _Bella_ could hear me? Damn, I was loud.

"They made up." Edward announced.

"And then they made _out_." Rosalie added.

"Ew, ew, ew." Jacob shrieked.

I wasn't really paying attention to the house before; my attention was otherwise… involved. I hadn't seen him come in.

With the last bit of breath I had in my lungs I chuckled "Shut up, Rose."

If I were to speak again, I had to breathe and Carter's scent would be washed away in more dominant scents.

So I inhaled.

And I was hit with Bella's scent like walking into a brick wall. The freesia and strawberry-scent demanded all my attention and the pool of venom spreading in my mouth was not distracting. It felt like there was a burning iron stuck in my throat.

I always made sure never to smell it. I've smelled it in the family's thoughts, sure. But they didn't have a very wild imagination. The vivid taste on my tongue when I parted my lips slightly made me want to jump and her and sink my teeth in her throat.

_NO, NO, NO!_

It's not just any girl, this is _Bella!_

I moaned.

"Amy?" Carter sounded worried, but I wasn't able to focus on it. I wasn't able to focus on anything, but that scent in front of me.

Edward wasn't recovered from the shock; he just sat there, staring at me. Surprised by my weakness.

I _was_ weak. I knew I wouldn't be able to help myself any longer now, so I did was seemed obvious. I let myself drop to my knees. That would give them a head start; I would have to try and get up and I'd lose time.

Edward was at his feet already and crouched protectively over Bella. "Amy!" he screamed. "_Shut it off!"_

I wanted to. God, I freaking wanted to _so_ bad, but I couldn't think. I needed fresh air. I couldn't concentrate long enough to shut off my senses.

"Carter!" Edward yelled, desperately. "Get her out of here, now! Take her somewhere far, now!"

I felt Carter yanking my arms and only seconds later, I was outside of the house. Away from Bella's scent. Fresh air…

But Carter didn't allow me to breathe yet. He laid me down for only a minute before lifting me bridal-style and running towards the woods.

"Carter, I can run." I said.

He didn't respond. He kept carrying me, for hours and hours. I had no idea where we were, my eyes were focussed on the sharp lines of Carters face.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. These woods are big."

"We're still in the _woods?_ In _Forks?_"

"Port Angeles." He defended.

"Why were you running in circles?"

"I like carrying you. Where else are we supposed to go?"

I thought about that. I wanted to visit some family. The cold would be nice. And the fresh, sweet mountain air. "Denali." I stated, smiling.

"Okay, whatever you want." He said. He pulled me a little closer to his face to kiss my temple and them he started running faster, still carrying me, and in the right direction immediately.

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Review.


	12. Small towns and silent mountains

**Yesh. Sorry for the late update.**

**Again, kind of short. Writersblock. Meh ):**

**This is only the _beginning_ of the amount of drama that is yet to come.**

**Disclaimer; yeah, you know the shizzle. I don't own twilight, nstuff.**

**REVIEEEW**

* * *

I sighed. Pretty mountains. Nice air, nice people, nice… everything. I chuckled. Humans had built a small town, since the last time I was here. I laid, safely protected by walls of mountains, far away from society. The people who lived there all knew each other by name and reputation. It was small; townfolks are always so much more fun to be around with.

"Why are you staring?" Carter wondered.

"I like it here. It's quiet. It easy to be away from the constant buzzing and nagging and complaining of people. Up here," I gestured to the mountains. "you can just… look at them. It's so perfect."

"Good. So, we'll be staying here for a while, right?"

"Yes, why?"

"You know Bella could have the baby any time now, don't you?"

"Yes." I whispered. "I know. But I can't go back. It's their safe little bubble. I feel like a home-wrecker. And, I'm scared. What if something goes wrong? The family would fall apart, and I wouldn't have a home anymore."

"I would have a home. Everywhere you are feels like home to me."

I closed my eyes and rested my head on Carters shoulder. His hand slid to my waist and he rested his cheek on my head. His other hand found its way to my stomach and he slowly lifted me into his lap. His arms embraced me and his lips pressed against my cold cheek.

"We don't have to go anywhere. No one ever comes here. We can stay as long as you want."

"And what do we hunt?" I asked sceptically.

"Hmm… true. Mountain goat isn't my favourite." He suddenly chuckled. "I think I know what Emmett would say."

"Tell me." I smirked.

"I think he'd say something like; 'This place has snow. Let's hunt polar bears'"

I chuckled. The sound echoed back from the flat surfaces of the rock than surrounded us.

"We could go to the town, some day." I said, hopeful.

"I though you didn't like the brabble?"

"I don't." I agreed. "But small towns always smell nice."

He chuckled. "A small place with blood everywhere. _Eyewitnesses_ everywhere."

"Pessimist."

"It's true. There's no escape."

"We could go see a movie." I interrupted cheerfully, ignoring him.

"Yes. I suppose we could." He agreed.

"I always liked just… walking around… holding your hand."

Suddenly, he chuckled. "It's funny. I _know_ you're just trying to persuade me to go to town, but I don't even care. I'd be happy to go anywhere, as long as it's with you."

I smiled and leaned my head back on his chest.

"I love you."

"I know. I'm the happiest person in the world."

"I know of one exception."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, _do_ tell me." He chuckled.

I knew there was a devious smirk on my face when I turned in his lap and kissed him softly. Before he had a change to respond, I was already pulling away and whispered; "Why don't I let you figure it out?"

His eyes went wide and black with lust and he swallowed loudly. Then he took over my smirk and launched himself at me, which caused me to fall on my back and him hovering over me.

His lips found mine and I was in my happy place. Just me, just Carter. No family members around every corner, no annoying brabble. Just Carter and Amy, and ordinary vampire couple. His thought were slightly loud with enthusiasm and his fingers whirled in my hair.

"How about that movie, huh?" I whispered in his ear when his lips traced a pattern on my jaw.

"God, you are evil." He growled.

I laughed and took his hand to pull him up. "Come on, Casanova. The movie is about to begin."

"And how would you know?"

"I might have accidentally seen a poster when I was in town."

"When were you in town?"

"I might have been in town when you were hunting."

"Great."

"I know. We're missing it. Hurry." I chuckled.

"Ok, ok. Just one thing?"

"Sure." I said, frowning.

"Could you check on Bella? Just for a second. I just want to know if everything's alright."

I paled. I know he saw me pale and he took my hand.

"I can't." I whispered.

"Just a second."

I shook my head, but my mind was already wondering around in Washington. Rosalie's mind was always loud, but now it was just screaming for me.

" _Help me up for a minute, Rose?" Bella asked. Rosalie's hand were helping her up and supporting her weight and balance, when Bella accidentally knocked a cup full of blood over. Jacob nearly gagged and Rosalie swallowed pools of venom. Bella was already bending over to get it. What is she doing? Something snapped in Bella's stomach and she vomited a fountain of blood_.

"It started." I whispered. "Just now. Just this minute."

He nodded. He saw I didn't want to talk about this. "Movie it is?"

"Yeah." I agreed. "Distraction."

Of course, it worked. I was right. Small towns are lovely. The people were all kind, not only verbal, but also mentally sweet and endearing. A lot of people saw us and wondered who we were and what we were doing here, why we were so pale and pretty.

"Where's the movie theatre?" Carter wondered.

"Follow the scent of butter and popcorn." I chuckled.

"That's disgusting." He complained and inhaled through his nose. His thoughts froze and his eyes shot to the little boy walking down the street on the other side of the road.

Daniel Thomas 'Danny' Peterson. Eight years old. Holding on to his mothers hand and smiling like a little angel.

Carters singer.

Then he disappeared, to fast for human eyes to see, and Carter was gone.

* * *

_Poor Danny._

_REVIEW_


	13. And there goes everything

**I know my chaps keep getting shorter and shorter, but I promise the next one will be longer.**

**I had a little to much ideas for the next couple of chaps to really focus on this one.**

**This one is still damn important, though :P**

**But, whatever.**

**Enjoy and Revieeeeeew :D**

* * *

Daniels mother turned around frantically and started shouting her little boys name. Her eyes found mine and she noticed the sadness in them. She captured my gaze as she ran across the road to get to me.

Oh no, not good!

To fast for human eyes to see, I followed the track Carter had made and disappeared into the woods.

I found them easily.

Carter was facing a tree, rolled up to a ball and he was shaking his head, not deep into the woods. His eyes nervously raised to mine and I saw the crimson orbs begging for my understanding. The little body of Daniel Peterson laid lifelessly on a floor of dirt; his eyes dead, his body drained.

"No." I choked out. "What did you do?"

Carter let out something between a sob and a scream and shifted his gaze back to the tree. I walked up to him and yanked him to the little body and forced his eyes to look at the face.

"Remember this, Carter." I whispered. "Because you are _never_ going to forgive yourself."

The hysteric cries of help from Daniels mother were loud to our ears and Carter cringed away from the noise.

"You're not going to forget this, Carter." I moaned. "You will never be the same again."

Carters thoughts were frantic. _No, no, no! What did I do? No, this isn't happening. Please no! Help me. HELP ME!_

"Hide the body, Carter." I whispered as goodbye. "Don't come and find me."

I ran of, into the woods. I was a coward; I ran away when things got to hard; to difficult.

Carters silent sobs and pleads for help chased me all the way up to the mountains. When I stopped running I shook my head. The memories were fresh and I had no where to go.

So I took off again. Running at my maximum speed and not looking back, I spend minutes, hours, days, weeks; maybe even years running.

I didn't care.

I didn't have _time_ to care.

Time didn't mean shit to me.

I ran straight ahead, not bothering where. My thoughts were everywhere except on my journey. I couldn't help but to recall the boy's face; the memories haunted me.

I didn't want to go back to read Carter. I didn't want to hear his self-loathing, his guilt, his anger, his despair. I didn't want to look after him.

But I had to.

What if something happened?

What if something went wrong?

He'd be stupid enough to just leave the body laying there, for gods sake.

So I looked. I searched through the area close where we were but I found very little. A few thoughts I had picked up from our time in the town. A vampire's mind would stand out more. It'd be more complicated.

Like the ones I found in that town.

I immediately stopped dead in my tracks. I was somewhere in a big forest in Canada. My surroundings didn't really caught my attention, and the ache in my throat was only a few days worth.

All my attention was focussed on the little group of vampires following Carters track.

The Volturi.

Jane, Felix and Demetri.

I searched for Carters mind more frantically and found him, only about a day ahead to the other vampires.

I looked for the past couple of days to find an explanation and found that it only happened half an hour after I left.

_The little boy was still laying there. I'd drained him. I'm a murderer._

"_Daniel? DANNY? DANIEL?" loud voices shouted, interrupted me in my little bubble of self-hatred. The voices were closer than they should. They were _to_ close._

"_O my god." A woman gasped as she entered the little open space with her son and his killer. "No. No, no, no. Danny, Danny." She whispered._

_My crimson eyes found hers and her eyes shot back to her son's little, fragile neck. The tiny drop of blood was very visible against his pale, bloodless skin. Her eyes found mine and inspected them with disbelief._

_Understanding and realisation hit her and she screamed the few words I couldn't take at that moment._

"_VAMPIRE! KILLER! HELP!"_

_Voices from everywhere surrounded me and I did the only thing I could think of;_

_I ran._

_Coward._

_I'm a coward._

_I'm a killer._

"No!" I yelled.

_Carter!_ I shouted at him. _Run, please, RUN!_

_Amy?_ His thoughts were fuzzy with disbelief and relief. _Amy? I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming._

_Carter._ I begged. _Run away, please. They want you! Run, damn it! They're coming for you! They want to kill you!_

_What way are they coming?_

I was to distracted and happy that I found him in time to see where the thoughts were leading.

_Behind you! They're coming from east, now run! Please, Carter!_

His thoughts were fuzzy and sad.

_Goodbye, Amy. I love you. I always have._ He thought before turning and running in the direction of the other vampires.

I couldn't stop him.

I was to late.

* * *

Review

Coz I like reviews :D

Teehee.

Sorry, yeah, that was lame.

I write this sad chap and then I'm all hyper while writing this.

gheheh.

But, yeah. I got this little bet with someone;

I can't get ten reviews for this chap.

And I know it's not my best chap, but damn. REVIEW!


	14. Not Carter, therefore not important

**I can NOT tell you how sorry I am for my late update.**

**School has started and my parents took away my computer because they thing I'm 'addicted'.**

***HUUUGE eyeroll***

**But, anyways. I can have my laptop back in the weekends, and I'll try to update every week.**

**Well, here's the new chapter.**

**Enjoy.**

**Review.**

**I don't own twilight!**

**

* * *

**

_I was to late..._

* * *

No, it couldn't be. I took off and ran at my full speed, convinced I could make a difference.

I could distract them, couldn't I? Hell, I could make them believe Carter was on the other side of the world. That they were running the wrong way.

But I couldn't mess with Demitri's gift.

I couldn't erase things from their memories.

Damn, damn, DAMN!

I felt my knees weaken and I fell down.

Why would I do that?

It's just fate that fucking backstabbed me.

It's just the love of my life being murdered because of my selfishness. My cowardice.

It's just my heart being ripped apart and stepped on.

I finally collapsed of the pain and held on a tree for dear life.

My Carter. No, not my Carter. Not again!

I killed him.

My hand had strangely found their way to my face and I sobbed. I fell apart and cried like the fifteen year old girl that I was.

Everything around me was black. It was just the love of my life and his killer in her happy place.

*****

"Amy?" a cracked voice called me in the distance.

_Leave me alone._ I moaned inside my head. _Let me be._

"You're going to have to talk out load if you want me to hear you, sweetie."

"Gone." I managed. "All gone. No hope."

"Amy, sweetheart. Come with me. You have to... For Carter.

"How dare you." I spat. "How dare you say his name. He wouldn't want me to… My Carter, my Carter…"

"Honey, do you remember me?"

I didn't want to lift my head, nor acknowledge the voice; nor the person it belonged to. Couldn't they just let me drown in self-pity? Was that _really_ to much to ask?

"Amy, please. You know me, sweetie." The voice begged.

"Carter," I choked. "My Carter. Where is he? What did they do to him?"

"Amy?" the voice sounded concerned. "What do you mean? You knew that a minute ago."

"Carter!" I yelled in panic. My head frantically snapped up and I saw a girl.

Short, black, spiky hair. Petite frame. Worried look.

So familiar.

But not Carter.

Therefore not important.

That is, until I saw her eyes. The liquid gold that seemed to stare into my soul was so familiar, it hurt.

"You have his eyes." I told her. "But where's the rest of him?"

The little girl seemed perplexed for a moment before slowly raising her hand to my face. I attempted to hit it away, but a small, pale hand stopped me.

My eyes snapped shut and I fell down to my knees. "Carter. No. NO! WHERE IS HE?"

"Amy, you have to calm down! Do you remember me, sweetie? What's my name, Amy?"

Small flashbacks of this girl and my Carter playing, laughing and having fun raised through my mind. "Alice." I chocked. "Alice. You're Marie Alice Brandon Cullen." I told her.

"Good. You remember me."

"You knew him!" I yelled. "Why didn't you save him?!"

I collapsed on the floor and Carters face appeared behind the lit of my eyes. My Carter. My Carter laughing, crying tearless cries, teasing… smiling…

I felt strong hands on my cheek and I was forced to stare into the golden eyes of a dark haired girl.

"Who are you?" I asked, scared. "Where's Carter?"

"What do you mean, honey?" the girl asked. "I'm Alice. You know me!"

"I don't know you. Where is Carter? Why isn't he here?" I panicked. "CARTER?!" I yelled.

"Sssst, Amy, everything will be fine." The girl assured me as she pulled me in her lap.

"Carter? CARTER?! HELP ME!"

My eyes shut and I saw Carters face as we scared people for fun on our graveyard.

"Amy?" a unfamiliar voice asked me. It sounded closer than I wanted it to be. "Stay with me, Amy!"

I opened my eyes and found myself laying in the lap of a girl.

Short, black, spiky hair. Petite frame. Worried look.

So familiar.

But not Carter.

Therefore not important.

"Who are you? Where's Carter?"

"Honey, Carter's dead." She said bluntly.

* * *

Hmm, I know many of you still hoped that Carter was actually alive, but I'm very sorry to disappoint you.

Yeah, I'm very upset that he's dead but that's the way things go, and it's the way this story goed, too.

And, I've already finished my last chapter. (that means I only have to write everything in between :P)

And I'll give you a little secret because of my late update;

_This story..._

_doesn't have a happy ending._

Well, that's not completely true.

I just didn't want such an open ending like in Breaking Dawn. This story's got closure, you know?...

...of course you don't know!

Becoz you haven't read it yet! ;D

REVIEEEEEEEEEW!


	15. Realise

Well, we all know that Carter died, but that really was just a beginning for all the drama to come.

So, here's the new chap.

God, this is such an emo fanfic, everybody dies xD

I don't own Twilight!

* * *

My eyes fluttered close and I ignored my surroundings. I wasn't breathing, because neither was Carter. I wasn't moving because Carter would never be able to move anymore. I sure as hell wasn't thirsty because Carter would never hunt again.

My life seemed to end along with Carters.

I was slightly aware that I was being moved for a while. I flew for a few hours and then it stopped for three days. The lovely numbness was slowly dripping from my mind and pain took it's place.

Damn the pain. I never liked it.

Carter liked pain. He liked the thought of being punished because of all the horrible things he did. He liked the thought of being able to start all over again.

But he couldn't anymore.

The feeling that I was flying stopped again and I actually opened my eyes.

How amusing.

My surrounding screamed 'get the hell out of here' but I didn't bother moving. A little voice in the back of my mind told me I knew this place. It always said those kind of things.

That's why I always ignored it.

Green, brown, black, caramel and gold. Lots of gold. A big bronze mess of hair in the back caught my attention. I knew that colour… I knew all these colours… but from where?

"Carter?" I whispered. He could just walk up to me any minute now and tell me this was all some weird joke and take my hand. He'd take me to somewhere great, like he always did.

The bronze hair moved very quickly but I was to lazy to see where it went.

"Amy?" a soft, male voice asked me. "Can you hear me, Amy?"

"I'm not deaf." I told him. "Where am I? Who are you? Where's-"

"Carter?" the voice finished for me. "Carter won't come back, Amy. I'm sorry."

I snorted. "Like Carter would ever leave me. He's probably looking for me right now. He'll be here. I'll wait."

The voice let me be and I closed my eyes again.

He'll be here.

I'll wait.

*****

Stupid Carter. I've been here for a long time now, but he still didn't show up. The numbness was now almost completely gone and I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid I would remember everything.

That's what the voices kept asking me to do. 'Remember, Amy. Remember us.' Blabla. Nagnag.

"Amy, I love you to death and I'm very sorry for what I'm about to say," a high, angry voice announced. "But Carter isn't coming back! He's gone, Amy. Dead and gone."

I took a few hours to let that sink in. The voice never stopped talking to me but I ignored it. After the few hours of considering what the voice told me, I knew she had to be kidding. Carter's already on his way. I'm sure of it.

I'll prove it!

My mind wondered to thoughts from all over the world. Thoughts of people I've heard by accident, _once_, where annoying. They were _everywhere._

Just look for the complex ones, the vampires.

No Carter in America, nor Africa yet.

When my mind wondered to Asia, the annoying, high, headache-causing voice stopped talking abruptly and I heard the person walking away. Thank god.

Back to Asia.

"Amy?" a soft voice interrupted my search. "Please talk to me. Please remember me. It's Emmett, Amy. I'm your big brother.."

I didn't speak but my search was forgotten for a second. My brother? I had a brother?

"Amy?"

"Yes." I answered in a whisper. This was the first voice I'd answered to. It just sounded so… it sounded like _home_. Emmett.. I knew an Emmett..

A little gasp came from his mouth and a few more from on my left, a little further away.

"Honey, do you know where you are?" he asked, concerned.

"No." I whispered.

"You're at home! Well, technically, you're laying on the ground in front of the door, but at home non the less!" the voice that belonged to this… Emmett sounded enthusiastic. "We all missed you so much! A lot of bad things happened to us in the past weeks. First Bella, then Carter… but now you're back!"

"What?" I snapped. Bella.. I knew a Bella.. and why did he said Carter in such a sad voice?

I opened my eyes and looked at the face in front of me. Long, brown, curly hair. A pale face, golden eyes. Broad shoulders. His entire face screamed excitement but his eyes where so sad.

It's how I always imagined my eyes to look like.

Full of pain. Pain that was caused my centuries of unhappiness and losing loved ones. Pain _so_ unbearable, it would kill a human, of at least drive him crazy.

"What happened to you, Emmett?" I asked him. "You look so sad."

His eyes fell to the ground. "I am sad, Amy. A got a new sister, but only because I lost my little sister before that. But she came back. Then I got a new brother. Then I lost them both, for a while… but I was sure they would come back again. Then I lost my newest sister, and emotionally my other brother. Then I lost the brother I was sure to see again. But I've got my sister back, so I'm feeling a little bit better." He told me with sad eyes.

"Okay, say that again, but a little slower." I demanded, confused.

He chuckled. "I had two brothers and two sisters before this. Alice, Amy, Jasper and Edward. And of course my lovely wifey, Rosalie." He said proudly.

Edward? I knew this, I knew this! God, why is this so frustrating?!

"I had a amazing little sister. Her name was Amy." He looked at my face, looking very concentrated; like he was trying to memorize every detail of it. "Amy left, for a while. I got a new sister in return. Bella. But then, Amy came back with someone new. His name was Carter. He became my brother and friend. I loved him like both. But then I lost both Amy and Carter, but I was pretty sure I would see them again. When they were gone, I lost my sister, Bella." He watched my eyes becoming bigger and bigger. "And my new brother, Carter. But I've got Amy back, sweetie. I've got you back."

My breathing became ragged and I stared at the ground, mouth wide open.

"But you already know this, don't you?" he asked. A sad smile played around his mouth. He looked slightly… defeated? "You know all of this."

"Carter." I whispered.

The past hit me like a punch in the face. Amélie Vianne Richon Cullen. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Ed-… Edward…

"Oh my god." I whispered.

Carter was killed by the Volturi. Carter was killed because of _me_.

I covered my face with my hands and sobbed and scratched my disgustingly indestructible skin. I kicked and screamed when I felt hand trying to stop me from tearing myself apart.

All for Carter.

I jumped to my feet and started running. Not escaping, just running.

I heard six pair of feet running right behind me, trying to catch up with me, trying to take me down to the ground. Six pair. No Edward.

Where's Bella?

* * *

So yeah, there you have it. The biiiiiig question. Where's Bella. Why would Emmett say he lost her?

If you want to know; Review, and find out in the next couple of Chapters.

Oh, and someone asked me when Renesmee is coming into this story. She isn't. And even though this is a HUGE spoiler, I think you have the right to know.

Or whatever.

REVIEW, PEEPZ!


	16. Flashes

**_READ THIS, READ THIS, READ THIS_**

**\/**

Chapter fifteeeeeen!

WHOOP WHOOP

CHAMPAGNE, EVERYONE!

No, not you, you little drunken bastard!

Mkay, mkay. Just a lil' somethaaang;

_nothing_ is happening in the these chapters, but I think that's cool;

I've been vague and rushing into the first chapters, and I'm thinking about rewriting it.

Lemme know whatcha think 'bout that.

BUT, without further blahblahblah;

*very newmoonish voice* THE NEXT CHAPTER BEGINS!

And I don't own twilight, or whatever...

**/\**

**_READ THIS, READ THIS, READ THIS_**

* * *

"Leave me alone!" I yelled over my shoulder. Couldn't they see…? I don't want company. I don't deserve it.

"Amy, come _back_!" an angry voice yelled. Esme? But I've never heard Esme angry before.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Why run? Why on earth would I still be running? I could be running to Carter, but he's… de-..dead. Where else could I go?

"Amy, please!" a voice begged. Alice?

I couldn't see. I saw black and some moving shadows but everything else was gone.

My eyes didn't open again.

* * *

****

* * *

"Nothing today." A voice sounded. Carlisle. He didn't sound surprised, or angry. No emotion sounded through his soft, sweet voice.

"But I swear I saw it!" Alice complained. She sounded so hopeful. I wish I could help with whatever it was. I didn't it when Alice was disappointed.

I let out the softest of groans.

Immediately, six voices yelled around my head and I felt someone jumping on top of me.

Again, the voices faded and I drowned back into darkness.

* * *

****

* * *

"Of course she did, Alice." An annoyed voice blasted in my ear. "You jumped on top of her! I'd pass out, too."

"She can't pass out, Rose." The other voice disagreed. "You can't either."

"Well, she did."

"But she'll wake up, again."

"When?

"Sooner than you think."

"I miss her, Alice. This has lasted too long. I can't stand seeing her like that."

"I know, Rosie. I hate catatonic vampires. And we've got _two,_ damn it."

"It's been a year, Alice. Maybe it's just too late."

"Rose, she woke up an hour ago! She'll be back, I know it."

A deafening silence followed. I wonder what they were talking about.

"Why can't you see her anymore, Ali?"

"Carlisle thinks it has something to do with traumatizing experiences. I just think it's because she doesn't want me to see it. You know what she can do with that annoying mind of hers."

A high chuckle.

"I remember, alright. She made Emmett believe I was a dude for three weeks. She has quite an imagination. Very… vivid."

"Gross."

"Very."

The silence took over.

* * *

****

* * *

"I _know_ what I saw, Edward!"

Edward?

"It was just a flash, Alice. Stop getting your hopes up." A lifeless, emotionless voice answered.

"She'll wake up. Today. This hour, damn it! Why won't you believe me?!"

"She's been gone for two and a half years, Alice. I'm tired of this."

"Well, what do you suggest we do?!"

Nothing. No answer, but I had a sick feeling of what they were both thinking about.

"No." a shocked whispered. "How could you even think of that?"

"What else should we do?" the lifeless voice started sounding annoyed. "To humans, Alice, this looks like a dead body. What do you thing they'll do when they find a _dead body_ in our basement?!"

"Edward." The girl urged. It sounded like Edward was stubborn and she was trying to get through his thick skull. "You love this girl, Edward. Like a sister, right… You're afraid. You're afraid of what you'll do when she wakes up! You're afraid you'll fall in love with her again! You're afraid of what Bella would think if she was still here! You're just as fucking afraid as we all are!" the girl yelled.

"How dare you…?" the voice sounded strained. "How dare you talk about Bella that way?! HOW DARE YOU!?"

"You're a piece of shit, Edward. I don't know what happened to my brother."

"BELLA TOOK YOUR BROTHER WHEN SHE DIED BECAUSE OF HIS FILTHY SPAWN!" the voice yelled back.

"My head hurts." I told then in the loudest whisper I could manage. "Alice, it hurts."

"I'm right here, baby." Her voice sounded. "Always."

* * *

****

* * *

"Good morning, sunshine!" Emmett's booming voice sounded. I heard curtains being pulled away and a hand on my forehead.

"She's not human, Emmett." I heard Carlisle say and I could practically see him rolling his eyes. "She's not ill. She's just…" he stopped when he realised I must be listening.

"Carlisle?" I asked. My voice sounded normal. Tingly, light. Like always. "What happened?"

"We don't know, baby." His voice sounded. "But we'll find out. We'll contact some friends, to see if they have ever seen this before."

I started feeling dizzy. Hell, I haven't been dizzy since the early 1400's.

"Carlisle, what's happening to me?"

"I don't know, baby." His voice said sadly. "I don't know."

* * *

_Sorry about the Emmett and Rosalie thingy, I couldn't help myself._

_REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY AND WANT TO UPDATE MORE!_

_Yeah, just press the damn thing..._


	17. Worry sucks

_**Yup. The new chap. **_

_**I don't really have much to say about this one.**_

_**So, eh..**_

_**I don't own Twilight, just Amy, Carter and the plot.**_

**

* * *

_Mkay, mkay, it's a bit confusing, so I'll explain;_**

_In the last chapter, you heard Rose and Edward say 'it's been a year' and 'it's been two years' or something. Well, Amy passed out, as you all know, after she didn't recognised Alice and stuff, and she was out for two and a half years. The last chapters were only flashes and such, and she woke up a couple of days ago._

_She's still very weak (I know she's a vamp, blabla, nagnag) and her memory isn't really back yet._

_Her ability is a bit weaker but still there. Don't think improper thoughts around Amy, guys._

_She's still convinced Carter's alive, but when she does find out that he's dead…_

_Ooooh, let the drama begin!_

**

* * *

**

"_I don't know, baby." His voice said sadly. "I don't know."_

* * *

I sighed as I felt my head coming up for air. I'm not supposed to need air. I could live without. I'm not a fragile little human.

Alice rubbed the shampoo in my hair with her little hands.

Guess I _am_ fragile.

"I know what you're about to say, and I don't think you're weak at all." Alice told me. "You're just… restless. And you're recovering from a lost, damn it."

"He isn't dead." I said stubbornly.

Every day I had to convince my family that Carter is still out there, probably looking for me.

"Then why can't you find him, love?"

"I don't know. He disappeared before."

"Whatever you want, Amy. I'll be right here when it occurs to you that we're right. I really don't like seeing you catatonic." She sighed. "I'll be right here when it all comes back to you."

Is she talking about the memory loss?

"Yes, I am."

I frowned as I thought of the question that's been bugging me for days now.

"Why is Edward all locked up in his room?"

I saw her eyes turning wide and I searched through her head for an answer.

Nothing.

My ability was to weak.

"He doesn't want to see me?" I concluded from her silence.

"Honey, you _know_ that's not it!"

"How would I know that?"

She thought about that. "Good one."

"Alice? There's someone else involved, isn't there?"

"Honey, I really don't understand how you're mind works right now. You knew this after you woke up."

"Who is it, Ali?"

She hesitated.

"You don't want him to hear." I said. No question. Just a statement.

"You had a sister, Amy." She told me. "She was amazing, just like you. You got along well. Do you remember the name of Edwards mate?"

Brown pools of chocolate, so alike mine were, flashes behind the lid of my eyes. Long, curly brown hair and a crimson red blush on her cheeks.

"Beautiful Swan." I smiled.

Alice patted me on the head. "Good. You remember."

"I remember her face. She was human." I stated.

Alice smiled at me.

"She was beautiful." I added, a big, happy smile on my face.

Was it wrong of me to feel proud because I remembered her? Shouldn't I feel guilty for not remembering her in the first place?

"So, where is she?"

Alice eyes became sad and her face suddenly seemed to be years older.

"You know she was human. Human's die, Amy. It's how it works."

"She died?" I asked, my face paler than usual. Poor Edward.

"Death isn't horrible, Amy. Death is just the new adventure in you're long life."

I sighed. "Good. Sounds kind of peaceful. I was already imagining a worst-case-scenario."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie." She said sweetly, again patting my head. "You've got other concerns.

But the sadness never left her eyes.

* * *

****

* * *

"Carlisle, I'm fine!" I chuckled. The big mountain lion was trying to rip me to pieces but my rock-solid skin only broke it's nails.

I presses my lips against the big beast' neck and my teeth found their way into the flesh.

"Amy, you're still weak! We should-"

"The hell you're feeding me!"

"Amy, at least-"

"No."

"You don't know what I wanted to say!"

"_And_ I don't care." I'm such a smartass.

"Amy, _please_! We've only just got you back!"

"Carlisle.." I said, lifting the drained lion at its neck for the _awesome_ effect it would have. "Do you really think this thing could hurt me?"

And I snapped the animals neck.

* * *

****

* * *

"Esme?!" I yelled.

"Right here." She sounded from the garden.

"I'm going for a run, alright?"

"Ok, sweetie. Have fun."

The usual.

"Bye guys!" I yelled through the house!

"_Bye sweetheart_!" Rosalie.

"_If you get those pants dirty_-" I quickly blocked Alice out.

"_I'm sure it'll help you relax, Amy. You're all tensed._" Jasper. God, their thoughts are _so_ cliché.

"_Smell ya lata._" Emmett, obviously.

"_Don't exhaust yourself._" Carlisle… I sighed. Of course.

My hand was already on the door knob when I heard the softest of whispers from the only room in the house I haven't been in since I woke up.

"Be safe."

Edward Cullen talked again.

To _me_?

But why?

* * *

_**Depressed Edward makes me feel all bleh. ):**_

_**So, I'll make him a little more.. happy? **_

_**Lemme know whatcha think, right?**_

_**REVIEW.**_


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